The Delusions of a 40+ Single Man

The Delusions of a 40+ Single Man

The Delusions of a 40+ Single Man

Thumbnail: 
The Delusions of a 40+ Single Man

READ THE COMMENTS POSTED IN RESPONSE TO THIS COLUMN HERE: http://moxieblog.typepad.com/moxieblog/2009/12/the-delusions-of-a-40-single-man.html

I agree
that few 26 yr olds are thinking about having 4 kids with a 45 yr old.
But as a 41 yr old, so far I've  had no problem meeting ladies who are
between 25 and 30, and who know how many kids i want (it's all
disclosed in my online profiles).- New_NYC_Resident

Joey
Giraud: "And the 41 yr old guy who wants 3-4 kids.. sure you can make
em, but can you keep up with em? ( eye roll ) Get real, studley".
((double eye roll)) I run marathons and run 3 businesses... the question will be, can they keep up with me? LOL! :-) - New_NYC_Resident

All
that being said (and to stay on topic), the answer to Moxie's original
question (in my case) is a resounding YES. I've gotten Match emails
from women who are 40 and close to a 10 on the looks scale, and i have
ZERO interest in dating them. The reason is that i don't want to lead
them on, or waste their time or mine. Unless someone is my potential
future wife, i won't expend any effort on them, even if i know they
will have sex with me.As i move down from age 40, there is a sliding scale tradeoff
between age and beauty. There is no black and white "cut-off point" on
either. The reason? I want to leave the option open of having 3 or 4 of my
own kids, and don't want to be rushed into it. To add to that, I want
to spend 3 to 5 years travelling and partying with my new wife before
having kids. - New_NYC_Resident

 

Okay,
here's something I want to discuss. Even more so after reviewing about
5 dozen profiles from Match.com the other day where 80% of the men over
40 and up to 46 were only interested in dating women under 35 because
the "definitely" wanted kids.

New_NYC_Resident,
here's something you don't seem to be factoring in. These 25-30 year
olds who agree to date you knowing how many kids you want? Has it
occurred to you that they're dating you without any intention of
actually settling down with you? That they aren't even thinking about a
future with you and just enjoying your money and your lifestyle and
you, heh, "experience?"

And
do you really believe that these women, upon hearing you want 3-4
children (adorable!) aren't even slightly apprehensive? You said it
yourself...the women under 40 that you encounter online are all career
professionals with MBAs. Do you really believe that they'll just throw
those years of education and climbing a corproate ladder away to pop
out 3-4 kids for you, a 41 year old man?? Because if you're 41 now,
that means by the time you settle in with these women, you'll be a
first time Dad at 43 or 44. Add 3 kids to that and give it about 16
months between each child and you think you're going to have your
youngest child at 47? Oh, and have you also factored in the likelihood
that, if your partner does indulge your little whim and have multiple
consecutive pregnancies over 35, that there a really good chance she'll
be diagnosed with breast cancer by 45? So, if that happens..what then,
Sperminator? Will you just go out and find yourself a fill in Mommy? Or
will you quit your job and raise your children yourself? Have you
factore din AT ALL the health risks not just for the child but for the
mother? Or is it just all about you?

I
have to marvel at how so many 38+ men think that, just because they're
men, they can hold off on having children.They hold on to these dreams
of some woman coming along and fulfilling their ego-centric fantasy of
having a gaggle of off spring. When, if you think about it, that really
should have been made a priority at, oh, say 35. What's that? You
weren't ready? Oh, well then by all means let's make an exception just
for you and your penis.

And
the best part? Women are not supposed to look at these men of a certain
age and declare them damaged or useless, but you guys freely dismiss
women because you believe (and half the time incorrectly so) that being
older than 37 means we're no longer fertile and therefore serve no
purpose to you. You don't want to go through the tribulations involved
with in vitro or adoption. Most men want their own kids and aren't down
with adoption, despite what they say publicly. Many aren't interested
in raising some other man's child unless they will be able to have one
of their own as well.They're ego driven, remember? Right down to
reproduction. But you don't have the slightest problem expecting women
to bear the majority of the responsibility once those children are born.

Listen,
this topic has been beaten to death on here, I know. I think anybody
over the age of 42 or so who insists that they have to have children
are just selfish and narcissistic. But women are constantly having this
issue thrust in our faces, and it's really about time men became a tad
bit more aware of the stigma against them as well. Those swimmers? Not so healthy after 40.
Then there's the fact that trying to conceive with you after 40 can be
an Olympic event itself. Between Erectile Dysfunction and just a flat
out lack of energy to having to wait for your Viagra to kick in...trust
me, it ain't no picnic. Which is why most women prefer to settle down
with someone their age or a couple years older and most definitely
under 37 or so. We hear 40 when we're 28 or 32  or 35 and we get that
same look on our faces and images in our mind that you guys get when
you hear that a woman is 40.

Side
note: Any one else notice the vast difference in responses you get
online between 39 and 40. There's some sort of mental threshold that
gets crossed, I think, despite there only being one year difference in
age.

Yes,
many of you boys will say you don't care and whatever and that there's
always going to be some woman out there young enough who wants you.
There will be....but the chances of them wanting to settle down with
you and raise children with you and being issue-free enough to maintain
a healthy relationship with you are slim.

Reality...it's a bitch.

READ THE COMMENTS POSTED IN RESPONSE TO THIS COLUMN HERE: http://moxieblog.typepad.com/moxieblog/2009/12/the-delusions-of-a-40-single-man.html

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER: http://twitter.com/Moxieinthecity

Got a dating related question?
Want free advice from Moxie and dozens of other national and
international singles? Ask Away. It’s Free! Look for Moxie’s response
and feedback from others SUBMIT YOUR DATING ADVICE QUESTIONS HERE: http://moxieinthecity.net/ask-email.php

FELLATIO CLASSES FOR WOMEN -
Interested in learning new techniques. Who isn`t? That`s the great
thing about being in a room full of women. Not only will your
instructor teach new ``twists`` to your technique, but you`ll also get
feedback from the other women attending the workshop.While this class
may not make you the next Jenna Jameson, it will provide you with
answers to common concerns and hopefully add some new moves to your
repertoire!