Why Do Men Cheat On Beautiful Women?
What he's thinking when he seeks out a mistress less attractive than you.
When my high school boyfriend cheated on me, I found out the other girl's Instant Messenger screen name and "confronted" her online. (Not the most mature move, I know. But give me a break! I had just turned 17.) You know what this bitch had the audacity to say to me? "I've seen a picture of you! No wonder he cheated." Owww. The Frisky: Is A Lack Of Physical Attraction Really A Cover-Up For Other Issues?
Sadly, that dopey logic is not confined to teenage soccer players who give hickeys to other girls' boyfriends; it has cycled over and over and over in my mind as this alleged Tiger Woods affair has played out. Surely you, like me, have heard numerous friends or significant others say something to the effect of, "How could he have cheated on his wife? She's so gorgeous!" Yes, Elin Nordegren is a freaking blonde-haired Swedish former model and her turd husband allegedly still cheated on her. What I want to know is why we insist a woman's beauty—which is highly subjective!—is some kind of barometer—which is highly shallow!—of whether or not her hubby will cheat. The Frisky: Is Cheating Worse When You're Married?
Let's get this clear: People cheat because they are unhappy in their relationships. That's it. I'm not naive: I know plenty of people cheat because their paramours have gained weight/lost too much weight and said paramours are no longer an object of physical attraction. But it's an underlying and relatively shallow factor, not cause-and-effect at all. Most relationships have these little things called "love," "trust" and "respect"; relationships that have all those things don't have cheating. If you really, really love someone, you will deal with the inevitable aging process. (See: History of marriages for Donald Trump.) The implication is that Nordegren is too pretty to cheat on and that Tiger's infidelity would make more sense if she were ugly—but since she's beautiful, there must be something else she did that drove him to do something so insane.The Frisky: Can Couples Get Past Infidelity?
Let's stop insinuating that when a man cheats, it is always because of something the wife did (or didn't do). And that's especially true when we're talking about somebody like Tiger Woods, who appears to have allegedly cheated with a bunch of random cocktail waitresses all over the country. None of them appear to be love matches, so Elin Nordegren must be a pretty terrible wife to have driven her hubby into all of their arms. The Frisky: MERRIME, A New Web Comedy About Online Dating
More on relationships from The Frisky:
MANY MEN CHEAT FOR VARIETY
The idea that men always cheat on their wives because they are unhappy with them is a disgusting lie.
That may be the case in a lot of cases, but what about all the poor women who cannot find the support and understanding they need because of this idea. A million books tell us that we didn't deserve this BUT this is what we can do to keep it from happening.
I was an attentive wife. I have always met my husbands needs, even the "freaky" ones. He cheated anyway. I overheard him tell his friend that he hadn't had an asian yet, that should have been my first sign that I had nothing to do with it.
My husband cheated with a very large woman, and he said it was because she had "big titties". He cheated with another very large woman, it was his ex, and he said it was because she was always willing. He acknowledged I was also, but he ended up admitting to me that he liked variety.
He got on livelinks and began hooking up with a multitude of women. He was seeking validation. He acknowledged that I validated him, but he needed to feel wanted by a lot of women.
I am getting so sick of never being able to find proper support. Every book I read instructed me how I could be abetter wife so that I could keep him, but the truth was that there was never anything I could have done. He finally admitted and informed me that he just wanted to know he could have all these women. It has made him feel sexy.
HE FEELS DESIRED BY ALL THESE WOMEN, AND BIGGER AND POWERFUL, AND I READ BOOKS ABOUT HOW I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE ATTENTIVE. IT'S JUST NOT FAIR.
As a marriage, relationship and sexual coach, I find that the number one reason guys cheat is becdause of sexual starvation. The research shows that 60% of wives have their husbands on a starvation diet of sex once a week or less.
No one would agree that a woman should be forced to have sex against her will. Yet women feel perfectly permissable to deny men sex against his will. This is an example of MISANDRY. Misandry is reverse sexism towards men by women. Wikipedia has an outstanding explanation of Misandry that would be worth your while to read.
The number two reason that men cheat is because women don't show their men respect. Men need respect even more than they need sex. Misandry of course is the opposite of respect. You can see examples of this on tv commercials where men are porttrayed as hapless boobs who have gotten themselves or their family into trouble and the HEROIC WOMAN sweeps into to save the day all the while tossing out sarcastic and condascending comments to her husband.
what about the rest of us, who have to hear people like you over and over again, but who know that our men cheated from the beginning to the end. We find out later that they cheated in the past, before we came along.
Some men may cheat for this reason, just like women cheat for starvation as well, but the fact is that I can't be asian, I don't have big breasts, I don't wear glasses, I'm not barely 18, and no matter how many freaky fantasies I've played out with him....he still constantly sought out other women to sleep with.
Please away, I hope you get cheated on anyway. Maybe then you will quit hurting other women with your unintelligent remarks and have some compassion.
See, here is the problem I have with that line of thought. Why is the wife sexually starving the husband?
Why is she disrespecting him?
Is he worthy of either action? Could it possibly be that its his own actions that are cutting him off from what he seeks in the bedroom?
Its not so simple as one sex isn't doing something as the causal reason for infidelity.
It takes 2 to tango, or not.
And yet I had a relationship that included almost daily sex nless it was physically impossible due to illness and I respected my husband in every way as a person and a partner and he still cheated...and ya everyone wondered why since I was so much better looking than his "conquests". Sometinmes the old adage is true....somepeople cheat, period, end of discussion. The reasons for cheating are much more varied and run deeper than "sexual starvation" or lack of respect. In fact, cheating indicates a profound lack of respect for your partner on the part of the cheater. It is always blamed on the injured partner but the reality is if you lie and cheat YOU are the party that is the aggressor not the injured one. Problems in a marriage/relationship should be worked out ane compromises made that can be lived with by both partners...blame and more sex rarely lead to happy healthy relationships in the long run.
I can say this with absolute confidence being both a counselor AND a survivor.
Thank you for this, this is the truth. I do believe that most cheaters, men and women, do it because it is fun to them, it validates them, and it doesn't matter how great their partner is. Ofcourse they will try to justify their actions by pointing fingers at the partner. A liar is a liar anyway. What would keep a person who lied to their spouse from lying to others about why they did it.
Like so many women, you want to disprove the rule by the exception. Sure there are exceptions to the rule. Sure there are men that are jerks. But I have with hundreds of individuals. There are very few women who will admit to any fault what so ever. They always turn it back on the men. The overwhelming complaint on the part of married men was insufficient sex.
Promise Keepers was a christian men's organiation that had promised to men that if they became better husbands, fathers and christian men, then their wives would want to have more sex with them. After it was all over and there were post interviews, the men were discouraged because they had become better fathers, husbands and leaders but overwhelmingly stated that they were still not getting any nore sex.
Look up the word unfaithful in the dictionary. It is not just being sexually unfaithful to your spouse, but it is also being unfaithful to marriage vows that he could "have and hold" you.
When you chronically starve your husband and force him to do without sex against his will and force him to masturbate alone, you build up tremendous resentment on his part.
Out of curiosity, where these men givenany indications or instructions on how to be better husbands? What was defined to them as being a better husband?
I'm not trying to rattle the hornet's nest here, but simply telling a guy to go be a better husband doesn't mean he will be a better husband. He may believe that being a better husband means being a better provider, going home instead of going to the bar, or bringing home flowers once a week for no particular reason.
All of those are great things, but being a better husband is about building a better interpersonal relationship with your wife, learning how to communicate better with each other, bulding stronger foundations of understanding and compassion.
And no man can do that on their own. They need the input of their wives to learn what is missing.
So, where these guys given any kind of tasks or hints towards this end? Or were they simply told ,"Be a better husband, father, and christian then you'll get more sex with your wife?"
Yes, I have also taken part in Promise Keepers meetings. The men were told to help more around the house, to be sweet and attentive to their wives, to take her out on dates, to be more personal, caring and sensitive to her feelings. They were also told to be more involved and caring in their kids lives.
Again, you are just like so many other women who can't possibly admit that women make any mistakes. If the guy is not getting sex, it is his fault.
You really need to look up MISANDRY in Wikipedia. It is reverse sexism by womenh towards men. Men want to take care of their wives and make them happy. When they consistently don't get their needs met in return, they tend to cheat but not divorce the wife so as to keep the marriage together and the kids together.
The fact that Qverb is a man does not change the paradigm that overwhelmingly women refuse to admit to any fault. Whenever they are critiqued, they immediately put it back on the men,
Actually I' m not making any statements one way or another. I don't doubt that there are marriages where, for whatever reason, the wife just isn't putting out anymore. My point, with what you were saying, was simply that I like to see all sides of the picture before making a judgement.
In my personal experiences I've never had any such thing happen. There was never a lack of respect or a lack of sex or a denial of any such thing. I know I work hard to keep my relationships healthy, satisfying, and progressively moving forward. I know that because this is a constant ideal for me that this is why the relationship on the whole does not suffer in this way. Sure, I slip up just like anyone else from time to time, but I'm not being more attentive all of a sudden as a patch for the bad times, and nor am I saying that you or your fellow Promise Keepers were either.
I asked my questions because of the information I don't see that you are putting out...what were these relationships like before these men became involved in this support group, how long where these actions done...there are a million more questions, and quite a few of them do involve how willing their wive's were to let go of old grudges and move forward.
I have a hard time accepting that someone just one day decided that they will no longer participate in sexual activity or respect the person that they married with no reason whatsoever. That is what I'm trying to see here. Both men and women have a difficult time accepting responsibiity for their actions when they are called on it. You seemed to be fairly defensive yourself when all I was doing was asking you a few questions to understand the program better.
I've had very few relationships where the woman tried to lay blame on me when I'd point something out that I considered to be an issue. I've listened to what their issues were with me and can admit that it is extremely difficult to work past my defenses and really listen to what they have to say and see if there is truth to it.
I am not saying that men as well as women make mistakes and make things worse forthemselves and their relationships.
You must avoid generalizing from your experience. People tend to do that and project their own experience onto every one else.
The fact that you have had wonderful relationships is wonderful. I must still be somewhat skeptical that you are in fact a man because surely you know men who complain about insuffiicient sex.
If you fail to admit to that, then I am sure that you are a woman trying to put me on.
I am trying to reache the masses who are not as well adjusted as you claim to be.
The fact that you have only had rapt relationships with no problems and you got all of the sex that you wanted would lead me to wonder why you have not married any of these wonderful women and ares seemingly so completely unaware of the relationships around you.
Sure, I've known guys who complain about not getting enough sexual attention, and I've known just as many women who make the same complaint.
I also fully understand that my life experience isn't the norm for everyone, just as yours or any other commentator on here. This is why I ask for as many facts as possible. You are making generalizations that men don't do anything wrong to make their wives withold sex and respect.
What I'm saying is that, in general, the issue you are bringing up is usually made up of deeper issues. What you and your promise keepers have done is great, but why weren't you men devoted husbands and fathers in the first place? Alongside of that, while its great that you and your fellow keepers raised your personal bar in being devoted husbands and fathers, if there is no work done on whatever the original issue is then all of the work you do will be more like a band-aid...it might cover up the problem for a while, but it doesn't heal it.
Now, as for my relationships, I never said there weren't problems. Lack of sex and respect just weren't one of them. I know this next part will definitely have you questioning if I'm a man, but thats your own issue to deal with...I don't get into long term relationships for sex. I love sex, I like getting it, but its not really a "focus" for me in a relationship that I want to try and go the distance with. Sex is part of the equation, to be sure, but I've had enough sex to put more focus on the things I do really want in a relationship...open trust, communication, care and concern for each other, a best friend and confidant. From the pursuit and maintanence of these qualities I don't go lacking in sex or respect because I respect who I am with.
As far as these wonderful women I've dated, yeah, the majority of them have been wonderful, and there have been a couple that I thought could go the distance and one that I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with...but just because I was ready doesn't mean they were. They still had other dreams and goals to pursue that couldn't be done living on this island, and I have no desire to move anywhere else. I want to spend my life with someone who is ready to pursue that dream with me here, who is ready to make that step forward in their life. Letting them go to do what they need to do for themselves is why I have so many close friends now instead of simply ex-girlfriends.
I know I'm not married. I haven't lived through what its like with the complete understanding that this is who I will be with for the rest of my life, that every morning and every night I will be waking up and sleeping next to the same woman. I have had relationships that have lasted longer than many marriages, and I've seen other guys on here leave comments and questions akin to what you are saying who have only known and been married to their wife for less time than my longest relationship. Fair enough that what I say be taken with a grain of salt...but, to my understanding, which has been backed up by quite a few commentors on here who are married, both men and women, the principles of what I'm saying still hold true in marriages over any length of time.
Throughout all of this there is one thing I have no control over...if the woman I'm with is willing to work on our problems or issues as well. For that to happen regularly foundations of strong communication and trust that I will not only listen to what she has to say but do my best to understand it as well.
It doesn't mean that she is right all of the time or that I am. We both need to be honest about that with each other.
This doesn't mean that we don't have minor yelling skirmishes. Thats life...its bound too happen. Once again, the better both partners learn to communicate with each other, the quicker and more decisively these problems are laid to rest.
Understand, as you have pointed out to me, not everyone sees things the same way you do, and that includes men.
I applaud the program you took part in, I really do. I applaud the effort you and your friends made to have healthier and happier marriages. However, if you each did it just to get more sex, well, did you really think that would make the whole marriage better for you and your wife? Or just for you?
I don't know if you are just trying to be politically correct or just faking it. You stated that you have heard of a few guys complaining about not getting enough sex, but you have known just as many women whoi make the same complaint.
Stujdies show that 60% of women want sex once a week and inflict that schedule on their husbands.
It is the average, not the exception. Again I am trying to deal with the masses not the exception to the rule.
As to the guys in Promise Keepers, they stayed married to their wives and continued to be good husbands. You can't on the one hand blame men for their not getting sex because of something they have done and then condemn them again when they try to fix and resolve hte problem and still they are not getting more sex,. And you don't see that you have a problem?
You admit to not having any problems and not being married and yet you continue to question me about what I am trying to point out. You have not negated my basic premise that 60% of the women out there are not taking care of their husbands sexual needs and put the blame on the husbands and see no problem with women shirking their comitment to their vows. You have done everything in your power to obfuscate that basic premise. I refuse to chase rabbits with you anymore.
I'd like to see a link for your stats. I've looked and looked and, oddly enough, I keep coming up on more articles and stats about men who are with holding sex, not women.
As for being PC, no, I believe that attempting to be be PC for the most part tends to be too ambiguous. To put it another way, I don't leave the comments I write on this site to impress the opposite sex or my current GF.
In digging around for information regarding the REASONS women with hold sex, by and large it is due to their husbands not upholding their end of the marriage vows - not assisting with household duties, child rearing, giving no outward indication of seeing their wives as anything other than care taker, cook, maid, and sexual object. While, as I've said, what you've said of Promise Keepers goal to improve marriages by being better husbands and fathers is a great step forward, I still don't see it actively persuing the root cause of why the wife with held sex in the first place.
Perhaps, for many, simply starting those actions and maintaining them re-instated sexual intimacy in these marriages. I don't doubt that it would. But what of those where the pain goes deeper? Where for years the wife has felt that she is no more than Mother, Cook, Maid, Working Gal, and Sexual Object to her husband? This is what I'm trying to point out that I don't see in your reccomendations.
On top of that, and this is not an attack on your, or anyone else's, religious views, not all married couples are religious and/or christian. For myself, there are many reasons I do not agree with organized religion, be it Christianity or other. These reasons are my own and are not forced on others or voiced without their request. I don't expect everyone else to understand, agree with, accept, or acquiesce to my views.
Perhaps you can find correlations in other religious texts that support your biblical mandate that husbands and wives have no choice but to succumb to their partners desire when it is requested of them.
What of the rest of us out here who aren't religious? You are trying to offer a one size fits all arguement but basing it on something that does not include everybody or excludes a huge number of people. To discount their marriages as being somehow invalid because they aren't religious or don't practice doesn't take away from the fact that they have the very same problems.
In line with what you are trying to point out, I'll agree that it is wrong to with hold for no apparent reason. A wife should be able to communicate with her husband why she doesn't wish to sleep with him. A husband should be able to show compassion and understanding to his wife. A husband should also be able to express to his wife how he feels and what it does to him when he isn't sexually satisfied, and a wife should be able to show compassion and understanding to him. From there a married couple should be able to move forward to resolve the issue or to understand that this is a temporary situation.
How you present your views tends to be very one sided and argumentative. You can't seem to accept that perhaps a large number of men married to this 60% of married women you keep bringing up aren't showing any compassion and understanding of their wive's basic needs. You also can't seem to accept that there are perhaps more ways to resolve this issue then simply quoting bible verses.
I understand, you are a relationship coach. You've got a whole bunch of successful stories to go along with your practice. I applaud you for that, I really do.
But are you so egotistic that you believe your view of how a marriage should be is the one that works for everyone?
I fully understand that my views don't work for everyone. I don't expect them to. I make my comments to provide another point of view. To make any issue and its resolution so black and white is to deny the fact that we are all different with our different experiences. There are baselines, commonalities that we all share in and agree to that make up a healthy relationship and marriage, but that doesn't mean that what works for a lot of people works for everyone.
On a personal level, I don't want my partner sleeping with me because she feels she has to so as to fulfill her part of some agreement.
That isn't why I'm with her or why I would marry her. That would actually go against every reason why I am with her. Make no mistake, I'm not un-wed because I've never had the chance. Its my choice. Those opportunities I've had to marry I can look back on and fully understand that it was good I didn't go through with it because I wasn't ready for what I want my marriage to entail. You may think I'm stuck on some cliched, naive notion of the perfect marriage, but my ideals are completely grounded in reality.
As I've stated, there are those things you have stated which are great and I applaud. However I find your views and solutions to be one sided along with your inability to accept other possibilities or points of view, likewise your unwillingness to accept that MEN and WOMEN share in the blame, not just women. This is why I persist in supporting other views and reasons.
Anyhow, I see you've grown tired of this discussion with me, which is fine, but I'd still really like to see where you are getting your statistical information from.
You are wrong about cheating; it's not so cut and dry. There are endless complicated reasons why a person might cheat, even a relationship that has love, trust, and respect. Having a desire to cheat or eventually giving into that desire does not mean that there is something fundamentally lacking in the relationship. A cheater could be afraid of the seriousness of the commitment that comes with the love they feel. Or a cheater might just have found someone else that they also really love and find irresistible.
Men overwhelmingly want to love and please therir wives. Men want to have happily ever after as well. Men get very little positive attention compared to women. From the time that little girls are born there are much more clothes for them. Everyone oohs and ahs over the little dresses, patent leather shoes and the lacy panties. Then in high school the girls get made over because of the prom and the dress, Then they get engaged and it is over the ring, the dress etc. The wedding is all about the bride. Then when she gets pregnant it is all about the pregnancy and the child birth and the new baby. During all of these times the man is the just the accessory and gets no attention. Then he is routinely deprived of sex from then on in. Now we live in the day where men are routinely dismissed, disrespected and made to feel irrelevant. Maureen Dowd even wrote a column a couple of years ago where she described the only reason that a woman even needs a man is to be a sperm donor and other than that we are pretty worthless.
Even in the commercials, the man is portrayed as this hapless boob who has gotten himself and or his family in trouble only to have the heroic woman swoop in to save the day,, alll the while tossing off condascending and disrrespedtul comments to the husband,
Ladies, reverse sexism (misandry) is alive and well and yet you refuse to admit to any fault.
I have talked to literally hundreds of men and women about this. The women will not admit to any fault whatsoever. Men are willing to be coached and mend their ways, the women refuse to admit that they do anything wrong. See the above comment to another writer
When a woman cheats on her husband, do you really blame the man?
I have yet to see you admit that men do anything wrong.
You don't even think a man who cheated should take responsibilitty for his actions. That goes against anything I've read about religion.
I know I can't convince you of anything, but for all the other women out there (and guys, too):
A marriage needs sex and physical intimacy. There will be times when the amount goes down due to children, work (his, too), depression, anxiety/stress, illness, pregnancy, relationship problems, aging, and life in general. When this happens the two of you need to work together. Sometimes the solution will be to wait and have less sex for a few months, sometimes it will be to get outside help with your problems. Sometimes the solution will be simple - hire a babysitter and spend more time together.
In many couples, one person will want more sex than the other. You need to come to some kind of compromise that works for you.
Telling the low-drive person to have sex whenever the high-drive person wants it, or else, is not a compromise. It's just a way to make the low-drive person dislike sex and resent their partner. Ladies, don't do this. Having a woman in your bed who doesn't want to be there is not a gift to your husband.
Compromises are things like: The high-drive person may masturbate sometimes instead of sex. The low-drive person may try to give the other a chance to arouse them. The important thing is that it be a compromise both partners agree to.
The critical thing is to avoid getting yourselves stuck in a cycle where one is always pushing. That can make the other person turn off in advance in a kind of self-defense. Then they lose touch with the times that they are interested in sex. This just makes the other person more desparate and they push harder and everything gets worse. If you get into a cycle like this, you need to find a way to break it. Not pushing is the best way to start. A short time when you agree to not have sex, but be sexual/sensual is another idea. Getting counseling from a reputable therapist could work to.
It may also help to realize that your partner still loves you. They are not rejecting you. It's about them and their issues and their sex drive.
Another thing that can help is to maintain physical intimacy during dry spells. If you are crazy busy with your kids, but you still cuddle and say sexy things, it can help keep you connected until you can have more sex.
Be gentle and kind with your partner. Remember, people change. You may be the high-drive person desparate for more sex right now, but someday, you could be the one who doesn't want it as much. Or you could be the low-drive person now and someday be desparate for sex. Treat your partner the way you will want to be treated then.
Or its just a power thing. I think if you found love, then you'd be willing to do the hard work (divorce, ending it with the spouse) that is necessary for making your new love work. If you aren't (and most cheaters aren't) that makes me think cheating is a selfish power thing that people use as a panacea instead of doing the real hard work necessary to make a relationship work.
I think it could be a power thing for some people. Also an I'm still attractive/young power thing. And I definitely agree that people can use it as a way to avoid doing the work they need to on their primary relationship.
On the other hand, I think it might sometimes be more complicated than if you love the new person, you'll leave your spouse for them. You might love both. You might be looking for a different kind of affection where the person adores you more and is more willing to bend over backwards still. And there's always sex.
That's true. I think when you look at celebrities it's probably especially true.
I also think that, unfortunately, a decent person who is getting older might be insecure and crave adoration. It might not be just a power thing.
And a bit different thing - I think for some cheating can be part of a bigger urge to stop being responsible and go back to the freedom of youth before you had kids and a job and property...
Even though men have beautiful lovers, girlfriends or wives, they will cheat if they feel they are not getting what they want out of the relationship. That is one reason. The other reason is that they enjoy sex with other woman...period! If they can get away with it, they will do it and it excites them. It is as simple as that. The only reason a man would not have sex with other woman but his wife, is if he truly is dedicated to his woman and does not ever want to hurt her. He may still have desires to be with another woman, but he would prefer to keep his marriage safe rather than engage in his fantasies.
Enhanced Kre-Alkalyn
http://www.goarticles.com/cgi-bin/showa.cgi?C=2300082
It's not about the looks all the time. It's about the feelings that the cheater has inside (unhappiness, anger, etc). That's not to justify cheating, but I say it to point out that looks often don't have anything to do with it. I have a friend who has a very attractive gf, and she is very nice. My friend has at least two women on the side. I've asked him what's the deal with that, and I STILL don't understand why. I don't think HE understands why. I think it's about opportunity. He sees it, and he pounces on it. That's the best that I can come up with that seems to make some sense.
Here's an interesting article that might give some insight into why Tiger Woods cheated:
http://www.momlogic.com/2009/12/serial_cheaters_narcissists_and_sex_addi...
Definitely looks have nothing to do with it - see Halle Berry, Christie Brinkley, etc. Beautiful women get cheated on all the time. If a man is unhappy in his relationship, he should just end it and move on, but they tend to want their cake and eat it too. A new woman in his life makes him feel better about himself, that's all, and not even for very long, but enough to get him out of his funk of "she doesn't appreciate me".
You are also generalizing. Affairs occur for many reasons and not just because they are unhappy in their relationship. There are many reasons a few include, opportunity, unhappiness with oneself or the relationship, a partner's appearance, etc.
Thanks for writing this. It is crazy to blame wives when a guy cheats.
I also agree with Tabby. Frequently, cheating is not about being unhappy in a relationship. There are all kinds of reasons people cheat from just plain lust to insecurity about your own appearance. Sometimes it’s about opportunity - if someone else says they’re available, it’s hard to turn them down.
I think a lot of times the “other woman” involved with a guy believes that he is going to leave his wife/girlfriend for her. She may truly love the guy. She believes that he is cheating because he has problems at home. She may tell herself that a guy who truly loves and respects his wife/girlfriend won’t cheat. So the “other woman” thinks she has a chance with the guy. He may even say things that make her believe he is going to leave his wife/girlfriend for her.
I think in some cases if the “other woman” knew that the guy loved his wife/girlfriend and had no intention of leaving her, the “other woman” might not get involved with him. Then there would be less cheating because it takes two to tango.
In the end, though, guys should keep their pants zipped. Just because you want to do something, doesn’t mean you have to.
Contrary to the popular image in the media, most married people don’t cheat. The biggest studies with the best methodology consistently find that. So you can be faithful, it’s just not easy.
