Name: Elle | | Location: Philly , PA |Question:
I have been seeing this guy for over three months. He told me that he is not
interested in a serious relationship because of the hours he puts in at work and
the fact that he wants to go overseas to do "Doctors without borders". While I
think that this is a very noble cause and way of life. This is not what I am
interested in in my future. And I told him that. And I also told him that I am
interested in marriage in my future and in having kids. He told me that he does
not want to lead me on and that I can see other guys so that I can basically
meet someone to settle down with.
I don't call the guy. I only respond
to his texts and phone calls. We have only gone on three dates during these
three months. Earlier this week he called me to ask me if I wanted to go to Los
Vegas with him for New Year's Eve. All expense paid trip on him. I am confused.
Why is this guy treating me to a very expensive trip if he is not interested in
a serious relationship with me. I don't look like a model. So I doubt that it is
because he wants to sleep with me. Also I feel so guilty. Since he is not
interested in a future with me, I feel guilty accepting this trip from him.
Although going on the trip sounds like a blast and I can't afford a trip like
this, I don't know if I should go. I don't want to take advantage of him. My
friends all say that I should go. What do you guys think I should do? Would a
trip like this be considered taking advantage of him? I think that he is doing
this because he doesn't have anyone else to spend New Years eve with. But an all
expense paid trip. That's sounds a bit ridiculous. |Age: 29
it's totally possible that this guy might, someday, participate in
Doctors Without Borders, I'm guessing that's a line he uses to set
expectations. Basically, he's created an Exit Strategy so that the
women he dates don't get too cozy or settled in. He's telling women
upfront, "Look, I don't plan on sticking around." Instead of just
coming out and saying he has no intention of engaging in a serious
relationship , he uses the doctors without borders excuse so he can a)
set up an escape clause without b) looking like a dirt bag. I'm not
saying he's going to fake leaving the country to get away with you.
He's just putting it out there so you're clear that there is a looming
end date to this arrangement.
More from YourTango: Love Bytes: A Guy's Take On How To Find Real Love
The Exit Strategy comes in many
different forms. They alert you, in their profile or on the first date,
that they travel a lot for work or work crazy hours. Or that they're
considering moving to another state. (I see that in a guy's profile and
I bail immediately.) Or they just flat out tell you, unprovoked, that
they aren't looking for anything serious. If you're looking for an
eventual relationship, these guys should be avoided.