Ladies, especially those of you who shared you have experiencced this multiple times, unless you look within and stop blaming the man for your feelings you are never going to truly feel loved because you are not capable of giving love when you place the blame back on the man for your feelings. Just because a man pulls away emotionally or physically DOESN"T mean he's leaving you and you need to start freaking out because he "is doing" exactly what you knew he would, he pulled away and you feel like this is him leaving. Men need there space away from us and everyone else for that matter, it's called their cave. Men go into the cave when they need to think, alone to feel better. This is exactly the same feeling we get when we share our feelings and as a result we feel heard; the experience gives us a sense of heling and it reminds us our man loves and cherishes us. The moment you start freaking out about his cave time he senses this and men are completely repulsed by this, they think it's unnecessary needy behavior. When he senses that you are upset about him needing his space and he pulls away even more, at this point he may not actually even be thinking about leaving, you've merely given him this feeling of pressure that now he has to figure out how to fix or get rid of because every time he needs to feel better about himself and go into his cave you either punish him on the way in there or when he comes out. He will begin to resent you as much as you have begun to resent him for hurting your feelings everytime he withdraws and doesn't explain himself. Ladies, if you want your man to show you he loves you, listen to you when you need him to, and protect your most ntimate feelins you are so terribly afraid that he doesn't care about and he will walk out of you and crush you as a result, you need to stop putting meaning to his actions. Just because he goes into his cave doesn't mean it's all about you. i know when we care so deeply about someone all those feelings we have makes us even more sensitive to his actions and therefore why try to analyze them and put meaning to them, we can't help but his withdrawing about us, afterall, don't they get that it can be really painful standing there all alone when we need our man the most and he went into his cave anyway? Yes, this make complete sense to us, but not to them, they don't understand because they have to go there in order to feel better about what ever man thoughts might be on their minds. When he comes out refreshed and knows he's not going to bother you with the things he went away to sort out, he knows he will be much more attentive to meeting your needs. The moment you begin resenting him and punishing him for needing this space he will spend even more time away. As hard as it will be, when he does come out you have to be loving and accepting that he's back, who knows what he may have on an intellectual level been able to accomplish - maybe his plan for the future to ensure he can be a successful provider for you because he is a man and they take great pride in accomplishing things that bring you happiness and fulfillment. Yes, men do have a want and a need to give. Not all men, just like all women, are mature, so if you are in a relationship with an immature man who lacks the ability to grow with you together then I suggest you open your oportunities to one that has taken the time to emotionally mature himself.

As hard as it will be when he goes in his cave, find something else to do, anything that helps you deal with that unbelievable need to go wait at the door of his cage or even worse, barge in. We are not allowed in there and we are not allowed to wait at the door. The dragon that protects the cave will burn you and even worse, you've just given your caveman all the assurance he needs to validate his prediction he will be punished and made to feel guilty for going to the one place that recharges his batteries so he can be the best man he can for you.

There is a reason behind they mystery of why alot of women suddenly feel overwhelmed with panic when our man has escaped to his cave. That destructive voice inside your head starts talking you into the very behavior that ends up being the root of why a man perfectly capable of loving you one day leaves and never returns. If you find yourself overwhelmed with this fear his thinking of leaving you everytime he retreats you need to find the source of this fear and deal with it on your own, don't use the source of fear to turn around an blame your man for feeling so hurt when you allowed yourself to be hurt after turning one of his basic needs into something about you. Furthermore, when you have this fear, you are not capable of truly trusting your man, he will know this, he will sense this, why does he stick around when he senses this? Alot of mature men have a little more patience and are willing to give their trust unconditionally a bit longer than others hoping that you may learn to accept it. The moment your man feels this fear from you - it translates to him as this incredibly intense emotional pressure that he has not idea how to free you from - he knows you don't fully trust him, when this happens he feels like a failure. He wants to be your hero, he wants you to love him and accept him for who he is because he really does have a need and a very intense desire to give you the same.

Some of you may think this is nuts, or you may feel like you've given every last drop you've got to get this man to stop hurting your feelings and you aren't going to give an ounce unless he does, then take a moment and forget how you are viewing and FEELING about your relationship. If you are in this exact pattern it's not fair for you to blame him. I am not saying this applies to all men. Some men are not capable of giving you what you need no matter how fluent you are in their language. if you are with a great guy, things have been amazing, and all the sudden he starts exercising his right to his cave, and you find yourself freaking out, all then sudden you can't stop talking even when he gets frustrated, everything you are doing is pressuring him to find a solution to something he can't because it's up to you to deal with it if you want to save the relationship.

I impart this information not to say you Ladies don't deserve the right to have your feelings heard my the man you love, I am sharing this with you because I have been through my share of relationships that now that I have been able to look back on my very painful inner journey to get rid of the stuffed away pain of feeling like I am being abandoned when the man needs his cave, I wam able to see how I literally destroyed relationships when men who were deserving of way more than I was able to give at the time. While you are facing the fear it sucks, I can't lie and say it was easy. BUT, I assure you, if you get rid of the fear, dig deep, find it, and face it, when you emerge from that horrible place you will become a better person. If you are able to do this inner journey before you have completely driven your man to leave, when you emerge and he doesn't feel that pressure a VERY predictable sequence of events will begin to happen. The sequence of events is more predictable than how long it will take because the more resentment he has for feeling blamed, the longer it may take him to completely believe that the woman who is impossible to please is really gone for good.

The first time he goes to his cave and comes out an you haven't been bothered in the least by it his resentment will begin to fade. But, don't ask him what went on in there, it's only your business if he decides to share. The more he's reassured he's not going straight to the dog house for his cave time, the more receptive he will be to "hearing" that going in there is understood and respected, but you have a need too. Politely ask him to give some sort of signal or indication (asking them not to talk is usually better) when he is heading into the cave that is a reminder for you that your feelings with him are safe. Believe me, when you know 100% sure that he went in there and it has nothing to do with you because you let go of the fears, and you don't worry while he's in there, you will feel like you have been freed from that nagging ball and chain for good. He comes out happy, your happy because you never worried about your feelings while he was gone, and then the unthinkable begins to happen, your man finally senses you get it and suddenly all those very predictable times that he started to avoid you turn into him looking for you. Suddenly he becomes the one who is obsessing, obsessing where you are and what you are up to. If you can build this with the man you love, unless he's not mature, he will now he's with someone who trusts him as much as he trusts you and it would take a whole lot to make him leave.

Bottom line, you don't have to feel let down by men, find yourself first, and then open your heart to what he so desperately wants to give.

After reading this article, this is exactly what my ex (?) did to me recently. Every point of it was true and I knew things weren't getting better, just getting worse. I am not sure if we're on a break or an actual break-up - but these signs should have clued me in. We'd see less and less of each other each week. All I did was play 1 night a week sport and he had school/work to deal with. His hours for work were also changing which would lead to less time. He started hanging out with his roomie more, who likes to go out and not be able to remember what happened the next day. Great influence I tell ya! I just felt we had separate lives and we moved apart. So it's OK. Good article though!

I wonder if sometimes before someone breaks up with you, you are less happy or in love yourself? Maybe that's not always true, but sometimes. Has that ever happened to you?