I've been working with heartbroken people for over 25 years as a psychotherapist. I've listened closely as they tell me they've been abandoned again and again, can't seem to find someone, can't get a quality relationship to last. The truth is that they are experiencing invisible barriers that prevent them from finding the right love. The first step to overcoming these barriers is understanding them. Here are some of the common scenerios:
Abandon-holism: You've been hurt so many times, you've come to confuse insecurity with love. When someone comes along who is willing to commit, you don't feel the "right chemistry." So you seek unavailable partners who make you insecure, leading to a cycle of reabandonment. Abandoholics are addicted to the love chemicals of conquest, of pursuing the illusion of love. ThirdAge: Top 10 Fantasies For Men And Women
Abandophobism: Your isolation is driven by fear. You may avoid contact altogether or appear to look for mates, but pursue unattainable partners to avoid the risk of becoming attached.
Fear of abandonment: Insecurity is your internal gremlin. It sabotages your attempts to feel cool, calm and confident when attempting to bring love into your life. It short-circuits your relationships with feelings of neediness, desperation and self-doubt. ThirdAge: 10 Things To Do When He Stops Wanting Sex
Fear of engulfment: You feel emotionally closed in when someone is ready to commit. You pursue hard-to-get lovers to sidestep intimacy and avoid the panic of closeness.
Negative attraction: We all know someone entrapped in a relationship that is no good for them, addicted to the high-stakes drama of emotional danger. In fact, a negative attraction is often more compelling than a positive one. Recovery means learning to stay away from the "emotional candy" and choosing someone who offers emotional sustenance. ThirdAge: 10 Essential Ingredients for Building a Healthy Relationship