Is Fear Preventing You From Finding Love?
Fear of commitment? Follow these tips and get over it.
I've been working with heartbroken people for over 25 years as a psychotherapist. I've listened closely as they tell me they've been abandoned again and again, can't seem to find someone, can't get a quality relationship to last. The truth is that they are experiencing invisible barriers that prevent them from finding the right love. The first step to overcoming these barriers is understanding them. Here are some of the common scenerios:
Abandon-holism: You've been hurt so many times, you've come to confuse insecurity with love. When someone comes along who is willing to commit, you don't feel the "right chemistry." So you seek unavailable partners who make you insecure, leading to a cycle of reabandonment. Abandoholics are addicted to the love chemicals of conquest, of pursuing the illusion of love. ThirdAge: Top 10 Fantasies For Men And Women
Abandophobism: Your isolation is driven by fear. You may avoid contact altogether or appear to look for mates, but pursue unattainable partners to avoid the risk of becoming attached.
Fear of abandonment: Insecurity is your internal gremlin. It sabotages your attempts to feel cool, calm and confident when attempting to bring love into your life. It short-circuits your relationships with feelings of neediness, desperation and self-doubt. ThirdAge: 10 Things To Do When He Stops Wanting Sex
Fear of engulfment: You feel emotionally closed in when someone is ready to commit. You pursue hard-to-get lovers to sidestep intimacy and avoid the panic of closeness.
Negative attraction: We all know someone entrapped in a relationship that is no good for them, addicted to the high-stakes drama of emotional danger. In fact, a negative attraction is often more compelling than a positive one. Recovery means learning to stay away from the "emotional candy" and choosing someone who offers emotional sustenance. ThirdAge: 10 Essential Ingredients for Building a Healthy Relationship
Blind to love: Love may have shown up at different points in your life, but you weren't able to recognize it. You were looking for another "feeling" and dodged the opportunity for a real relationship. In fact, love might be staring you in the face at this very moment, but your potential mate remains emotionally invisible to you.
When you are ready to break out of your patterns of self-sabotage, it is time to put your awareness into action with these steps:
Discussion
Ignorant of Feminism’s damaging influence, today’s men blindly search for ways to attract women. They study animal mating habits, work on their conversation skills, don fashionable clothing, decorate their bodies with tattoos, increase their size through weight training and look for ways to raise their social status, all for the sake of attracting women. Granted, some form relationships, but these unstable unions typically erode due to their dysfunctional foundation. Most end up lonely and frustrated. In the end, the important question remains unanswered: what really attracts women? To discover the answer, it’s necessary to understand what causes attraction.
Consider money, represented by unimpressive green-colored paper. While its aesthetic appeal may be limited, its actual significance proves quite attractive to people. Money has the ability to buy food and protection, create relationships and influence others. In short, money, when used responsibly, can bring order to people’s lives by meeting their needs.
Consider social status. Many women find men of high social status (rock stars, celebrities, politicians) to be attractive because of their ability to garner massive amounts of validation. Because validation is a necessary component of an orderly life, women are drawn to men of high social status that are able to meet this need.
Consider sexual needs. When your sexual tension is resolved, you are brought toward an orderly state. Sex also leads to children. This, in turn, leads to an orderly social outcome—the propagation of life.
Consider physically attractive people. Their facial symmetry along with the balanced, proportionate arrangement of their bodies expresses order. This is naturally more attractive than a disorderly body where features are disproportionately placed or missing altogether. Countless disorderly expressions of the human body exist, but only one exact expression of order is universally recognized. Amid all the birth defects, injuries, varying stages of growth and old age exists a pleasing, balanced arrangement of features that appeals to our highest aesthetic sense of order.
Because money, sex and social status are the tangible means used to obtain order, they are often mistakenly given credit for creating attraction. However, it is not the means but rather the resulting beautiful, orderly arrangement that draws us. Order is the attracting principle. http://www.scribd.com/doc/21733512/Principles-101
i think there is no "right person" to come along and whisk you away on his white horse...i mean come on how about one just has to work on himself or herself and work to be the right person for whoever they're dating!!!
i mean you wouldn't like it if your partner hears you say, he wasn't the one, i don't know wahat i was thinkiin...c*m on man....this is the misconception people have wen they think about mr. right or mrs. right, is that ur partner is supposed to be perfect.....
So instead of thinkin about how how you could hook your mr.right...how about concentratin on yourself and maing yourself mr or mrs. right?????
that way if your partner breaks up with you, you won't ever regret it an bitch about it....y??? coz u gave it your all, u were just the right person, but your partner lost out....coz u r the perfect poerson..
cool????????? feel fr3 to comment
I can totally relate to these steps as I've been really working on taking full ownership and just finding the love in my life. I got back into music and I'm changing my life to create more abundance. Good advice!
I don't know that I fall into any of these catagories. I am single and celebate, and have been for many years. 10 to be exact. And I can hear the sighs now from you. Like "oh my God. 10 years with no sex!" How could she do that?" I get it all the time if I choose to even share it. Of course ppl. want to know what I do for sex and they cross all kinds of personal lines trying to come up with something that makes some kind of sense to them because I choose not to have a partner. The truth of me is that I went thru menapause in my 40's. Since that time I just have no urges for a sexual partner. I am single and I love it. I don't have any upsetting arguments or uneasy periods because of someones elses beli\efs or opinions about how things should be done. I avoid all those types of arguments that men and women have. I don't have to pick up after anyone and I go where I want, do what I want, watch what I want ect. I can see the advantages of having a single celebate lifestyle. Its not that I had bad relationships in the past or anything cause I didn't. I was asked to be married many times but just chose not to at the time. Now I am 53 years old. I'm not a real looker anymore tho I use to be one in my 20's and 30 even my 40's. Weight has gone to my gut, I wear glasses now to even see. My chin as many friends underneath them and my hair is not the long luxurious mane it use to be. But I am satisfied with myself more now than I have ever been. I'm ok ith the weight thing. I know what it s like to be thin and pretty. I was thin for 30 years well , all my life til menapause. I know what its like. I know I could loose this weight and become better looking if I chose to but I don't/ I don 't wear make up any more and I use to never go out of the house without it. I think I have beautiful skin and was told I did just the other day. I could wear make up and look more attractive. Yes, but I choose not to. I could cut my hair and look better. But i choose not to. I don't even know why I do but I do know that I am very comfortable and happy within myself as a person. I like my self more now than I ever have. I like who I am. But when I read all these articles here that you write you make me think that I should feel differently about myself than I do. It's like look are all that matters. The way you look on the outside seeems to be so important to you ppl.; here. But there is something much more important than looks in this life. Its about the way you treat people, the way you treat yourself. About your opinions and beliefs. It's about having morals and values that matters in thiis life.Why do you try to put so much emphisis on the way you look and not about how you think and what you believe in? About morals and kindness and treating others with respect. For the first time in my life I am satisfied with who I am. and I won't let any article you write make me think differently
