When Did Women Start Accepting Less

By christan marashio — Written on Oct 22, 2009

Name: Calypso | Location: NYC , |Question:
Moxie, I met "Bob" at the end of the summer. At first we hungout as
friends. He'd invite me to happy hour w/ his friends and I'd do the same. One
night while out and drinking we shared our first kiss. I went home with him that
evening but nothing happened. He gave me pajamas and we shared the same bed but
that was it. We didnt have sex.

We hungout a few more times after
that. The last time we hungout turned from simple happy hour drinks to 2 days
in his apt - at the end of the night he asked me to come home with him (we both
called off work and stayed glued on his sofa watching tv, eating food and making
out from thurs night until sat morning BUT no sex again). Since those 2 days
we've texted some, Facebook'ed some but that is it. I've invited him out a
couple of times but he couldn't come (friends in town and sick). He texted me
last week to see if I was hanging out but I wasn't.

I'm really
attracted to this guy. We have things in common. He makes me laugh etc etc.
What's my next move? I'd like to see where this thing (if it's even that) could
lead. Is there anything for me to even react on? Do you even think he's
inerested? |Age: 32

There
is no next move for you. If he's interested, he'll get in touch with
you and ask you out. He won't send you that last minute text to see
what you're up to because he has no other plans.

I know you think
he was being a gentleman by not pushing for sex, but all he was doing
was hoping you'd change your mind. And really, if you're going to play
house for two days, you should be putting out. Or you shouldn't be
playing house.

It's bad enough when women blow off previously
made plans for some guy who contacts her last minute. But work? When
people are getting laid off left and right? That's just foolish. That
would actually make me think less of the guy. Unless you're actually
sick, you go to work.

Never show a guy that level of interest so
soon, especially when you're not even dating. You're giving him way too
much power. That goes for first dates, too. You agree to meet for
drinks, meet for drinks. Not drinks, then dinner than a night at a
club. Those dates shouldn't come until you know there's an actual
direction for this relationship. Dates where the guy encourages you to
stay out and drink? Bad sign. The first few dates should be ones where
you can actually get to know each other, not shout over music and swap
sloppy, drunken kisses. First date? 90 minutes to two hours MAX. Make
up an excuse or actually have other plans and leave. This is why I
don't do Friday or Saturday evening (8pm or later) dates. A guy who
leaves those nights wide open for a first date screams "I'm just
looking to get laid." I had a first date about 3 weeks ago. It was an
early Sunday night. After two and a half hours, I announced that I had
to go home. I could tell by the look on his face he had expected me to
go back home with him. Which, looking back on it, made me wonder if
that's how his typical first dates go. I didn't, of course got the "I
have a lot on my plate" message about a week later. Mystery solved, no
harm done, I had a fun night out with a sexy guy and he bought me a
couple glasses of wine and some salmon. But if I had hung out with him
at the bar for much longer, I would have been pretty bummed when he
blew me off.

When a guy wants to get to know you and try to
have a real relationship, he's not going to contact you last minute.
He's going to make plans. And if the 2 days you spent together holed up
in his apartment meant to him what it seems to mean to you...HE'D CALL
YOU. Or at the very least email you at your personal email address.
(and that's pushing it.) Not facebook you or IM you. Any guy who
invites you to hang in his house for two days is looking for sex.
Period. If he had wanted to get to know you, he'd have gone about it
much differently. He wouldn't keep inviting you to bars to "hang out"
with him and his friends. He'd want to be alone with you so he could spend quality time with you.

Somewhere along the line, women have started settling
for less. Why? Tell me. Why? I mean, I know that the odds are against
us in terms of sheer math. But, really? When did we start getting all
giddy over the fact that a guy Facebook messaged us and shot us a text
last minute? What happened to expecting a phone call or requiring a guy
make plans with us in advance? When did we start giving men the edge
and a free pass to be lazy? Have we all just given in to the idea that
we must accept what we can get or else be passed over? We're not
teenagers. So, when did our love lives become some afterschool special
about peer pressure?