8 Tips For Telling Your Partner A Health Secret
Living with a disease is tough; opening up to your new love interest about it doesn't have to be.
Dating someone new means learning about each other's quirky behaviors, emotional baggage, and the past experiences that have shaped both of your lives. But what if this involves a health or medical secret you're hesitant to talk about?
Jill*, a 33-year-old from New York City, knows that finding Mr. Right also means telling him that she has bipolar disorder. Though she takes medication to manage her condition, she still lives with residual symptoms: She has trouble sleeping for more than two hours at a time, and can't shake her cigarette habit—traits that she feels a date might question.
"It's the smoking and lack of sleeping; it's hard to share your life with someone when you need to explain further why you do these things," she says.
Jill* knows that she'll eventually have to confess her situation to a long-term partner. "It's something that will affect me if and when I settle down and have children, since I would not be able to take these medicines [while pregnant]," she explains. "It's never an easy thing to come clean with."
Not every relationship hides a secret like this one, but plenty of people face similar decisions about how much they should tell a new companion. Some confidential information can"t stay that way forever—if you take daily medication or if you have a condition with visible symptoms, for example. Other events in your medical history, such as addictions, mental illness, past surgeries, and health scares, can easily remain a secret—but should they?
If you're considering telling your partner about a health secret, here are eight tips to help you spill the beans.
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Discussion
i have a genetic blood disorder that my husband to-be has to be aware of--especially if we have children. although i know its not true, i sometimes think i am diseased and damaged, but i also know that it's no big deal (does that make any sense?)
instead of wanting to be all "up front" about what's going on with you, consider the scenario--if it doesn't affect the current relationship and its activities--physical, sexual, etc.--then you can always choose to keep a "bit" of business to yourself.
I deal with limitations due to a chronic condition and due to a car accident. I am up front about them, and tell people I'm dating how we can still have fun and do things and go out; we just can't do it all at once, and I need to take my weight off the broken foot a lot. It's also important to be up front about this because in my case if a partner wants someone for a running buddy or looks forward to taking them skiing, well, that's just not going to happen with me. If it's too important, then my partner will have to find someone else to date, and we'll both be happier.
