6 Red Flag Phrases That Should Send You Running
If a man tells you he's not boyfriend material, believe him. Plus, five other verbal red flags.
When you've got it bad for someone, it's tempting to shut off logic and ignore the questionable.
You may want to focus on the good (He called! He asked me to dinner! He picked up the check!) and glaze over all that happened in between. We're very happy he figured out how to use the phone and that you're eating well, but listen up to some of the verbal red flags dribbling out of his mouth between bites. If he utters any of the below, view in the same vein as a "low battery" warning on your iPhone. Indeed, your listening experience should likely be nearing an end. 7 Traits Of Irresistible Men
1.) "I hate making plans." Translation: I don't want to make plans with you. The man who is unwilling to commit to a movie a week in advance is the same man who isn't so certain you'll actually be in his life next week. We've heard all sorts of clever ways to justify a no-plans philosophy. Some even sound downright noble: "I'm a hippie, I don't like constraints"; "I'm moody, its me not you"; "I believe in keeping things open." Wonderful for them, but rather childish and inconsiderate (even on a friendly level) for anyone else involved. This alone speaks volumes on his Big Picture plans not only for himself, but especially for you.
2.) "All the girls I've dated were just too much." Translation: He isn't willing to compromise. We know our kind can overreact. Overanalyze. Cry at the wrong times and get all worked up over things that, perhaps, were nothing. But beware the man who says all the girls (but not you, of course!) he's dated were crazy. You may initially delude yourself into thinking you're cooler then the average chick and have the ability to melt that steely exterior with your no-frills stylings, but sooner or later you too are likely to have demands that are just going to be "too much" for him. 7 Phrases Men Love To Hear
3.) "You take sex too seriously." Translation: He doesn't take sex with you seriously. Sorry. Don't take it personally. Read More: Sex and Intimacy
4.) "I never go after hot girls." Translation: He's lazy and insecure. We were once on a first date with a guy who let it slip that he doesn't date the "hot" girls because they're too much work. The "second-rate" ones, he said, are often the ones he pursues. While our egos winced, his lack of cajones to go after what he views as first-rate turned us off more than the insult. What A Man Sees When You're Naked
Discussion
I think that if I give my honest opinion, I'll be judged; but If I don't, it would anger me for keeping my mouth shut!
I agree with all of the views about the red flags. If a man said these things to me, I'd run, grateful that I found them out early, before it brought me harm.
Any man that can't make plans, seek out quality women, or has no male friends is lazy, unmotivated, lacks drive, ambition, and will never be a worthwhile partner.
A man that can tell a woman that he never goes after hot women, has issues with what he wants, and what he can have. The "non-hot" woman is less for him to maintain, and easier for him to pursue; so he settles for less.
If he can't make plans, he's lazy, and will never achieve a goal. This type of mate will never provide for a partner, or family, and lacks the motivation to go the extra mile or put forth any extra effort. If he make effort for himself, he'll not make effort for any one else.
A man that has no close male friends can't relate to his peers. Regardless of gender, people must relate to their peers, and have positive relationships with them. Peers are in the best position to provide social judgments, education, interactions, improvements and outlets. Without them, people are out of touch with reality.
#5 is too black and white, so to speak. I have more female friends than I do male friends. I'm not gay. So, if this is the case, then if women have more male friends than they do female friends, are we to assume that they are sleeping with them, or that they, too, are gay?
Sounds too stereotypical, to me.
I disagree with #5. Some guys just relate better to women than to men. It doesn't mean we're gay, and it doesn't mean we're trying to get our women friends into bed. Of course sometimes we're just stuck in this unrequited love affair, and sometimes she doesn't even know -- or if she does, she pretends not to know just to keep life simple. But that is different from trying to get our female friends into bed. And in the meantime, we just go along relating very well to our women friends, and we become very close friends -- and we're treated like just one of the girls, which definitely means we're not going to become lovers. But please don't say silly things like #5.
To number 5, why would a gay guy have no male friends?
Number 5 is by far the weakest claim here. I know tons of guys that have no male friends. A lot of them have a me against the world attitude and a lot of them are those bad boy types. They got associates that hang around them all the time, but they are not really friends and they know that those are just d$$riders.
I agree. Gay men often have many male friends.
In my opinion, many men don't really get close to other men. For many men, the most intimate relationship they have is with a wife or girlfriend. For many men, they spend time with men and like each other, but are closer to women friends.
I'd have to disagree on this, In my daily life I don't have/choose to have guy friends. I've always felt most comfortable and can relate to women much better then guys in the sense that women like to talk and (most) are not all about games and ego. Key here is that most women communicate much better then men and I can relate to that very well because I've always been a communicator.
I don't know, I think its really important for guys to have guy friends to hang out with. I can't provide that kind of companionship for my guy in that way, so I would think it was a warning sign that he didn't have friendships with other guys.I can't be his everything and he can't be mine.
There may be a difference of perspective here. When you have kids, you don't hang out with people much outside of work. If you one of you goes out without the other, the other one has to take care of the kids. Paying someone else to watch them is expensive and you'd probably rather use the money for a date together.
On the other hand, even pre-kids, when my husband did hang out with other guys, their conversations were rarely even vaguely intimate, although they might be long, interesting, and enjoyable. His conversations with female friends and co-workers are less intimate than with me, but I think they do include stuff about people's families and feelings.
Seriously, he came back from a business trip and told me how a female friend felt about her divorce. He wasn't sure how many kids a male friend had.
