The Big Dominican

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I have a friend who lives in the BIG city and knows a BIG guy. We've always called him "el Dominicano" and not to be stereotypical but because Dominican is BIG and we have names for every guy. There was "el flaco", "el flower boy", "Egyptian a.k.a King Tut", "the ginger" and "el loco". All girls have names for the guy. I have never seen el Dominicano's face face but I have seeing how BIG he is. I almost choked on my food the moment that picture came through on my cell. I think my battery died right after.

That thing was huge and very healthy. Beautiful, glistening, ready to come out and play.

Yes, it was big enough to scare the vay jay jay. But that's why there's Motrin and alcohol. The art of deep relaxation and deep breathing.

I remember when el flaco and I were first meeting. We were watching TV at his house and started kissing and although the kissing was sweet and not the dry humping type he got big. When he got up to fix his pants it looked like he had an elephant trunk tucked in his pants. That thing was like a 10-person pop up tent. HUGE. I'll admit I got scared. While I drove home I called my bf in NY and was like, "OMG it looks like he's HUGE. Esa cosa me dio miedo".

You see, it's a bit scary at first specially if you know you're tight. But who doesn't want big? I don't care what anyone says, size does matter. It's like that unexpected bonus. That extra change out of the vending machine. A size 6 on the clearance rack. The freebies at Clinique and Estee Lauder counters.

It makes us smile. Brightens our horizons. Makes us get more hooked. We spend more mobile minutes talking about him. Walking funny the next day, peeing all over the toilet seat,and avoiding to cough cause it hurts it's the most beautiful thing in the world. It's what dreams are made of ladies.

"I'ts soo huge I'm kinda scared of him", she gushed last night.

"Take alcohol and follow it with a motrin tonta", I said. Seriously, this girl has issues. Our economy is shrinking and there's famine in the world and she's not grateful for el Dominicano?

"If you don't want him I'll take him, I'll be on the next plane to NY" and that's when she said fine, I'll see what happens.

I know, chicks before dicks but damn, that thing was making me excite myself.

Who started the oh, size doesn't matter? A small guy. Then he told the other small guys and they spread that ideology and today we hear it like its biblical.

Guys say that cause unlike us, they can't add implants or extra cartilage to their membrane. It is what it is. You can pump and pump and even hook up a Dyson to that thing but it is what it is.

I've heard "los flacos lo tienen largo" is it always true? Some say measuring the hands is the best bet?

Ladies, what are your experiences on that?

Next time, I'll be like "Papi, let's hold hands" ;)