According to Yahoo News, a fight between former common-law spouses in Pasadena, Texas took a turn for the ugly and their pets suffered the consequences. The non-couple were in an argument over the ownership of some jewelry that the man had gifted to the woman but took back after the split. The woman took her revenge on the family pets. In a burst of Zeus-ian comeuppance, she kidnapped and the goldfish from his home, then fried and ate them. The man was incensed and called the police. The fuzz responded with 'Uh, this is between y'all.'* To date, PETA has not staged a protest outside of the woman's residence. Read: But Who Gets the Dog?
A few observations and questions based on this case:
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- Though Pasadena is pretty close to the city of Houston, when I think of the words "common-law marriage," "domestic altercation," "Texas," and "police," I usually envision a guy wearing a wife-beater, a few empty Bud Heavy bottles, a woman in a shirt but no pants whom the officers know personally. And I love Texas.
- How does one get out of a common-law marriage? Is there a common-law divorce? What if you move in with someone else and live with them for several years—are you a common-law polygamist? Read: Cohabiting Rights May Come To A State Near You
- I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to take gifts back. There's probably a really derogatory name for someone who does that but I wouldn't know it. Read: Bachelor Not Cool With Ex Keeping Ring
- Eating someone's pet fish, even if they are goldfish, is pretty crazy. It's not boil-a-bunny crazy but it does send the message, "I'm a lunatic."
- In my experience, that is not the way to eat goldfish. Generally, it's done while they're live and after five or sex hours of keg beer. But eating a goldfish always sends the message: "I'm a lunatic."
Ever bump into a pet kerfuffle with an ex? Tell us about it.
*Note: I'm paraphrasing.