Society has well-worn, oft-rhyming phrases for when it comes to choosing between friends and boyfriends: "Bros before hos," "Chicks before dicks." But despite all these handy expressions, most of us know that when relations between a close friend and a lover go sour, picking a side is vastly more complicated than three-word idioms. 3 Tips For Introducing Boyfriend To Friends
Psychology Today recently posted an interesting article titled, "Could YOU Be a Toxic Friend?" It describes five signs that determine whether you are the one being a bad friend. We decided to flip the perspective back around to give you five signs that a toxic friend may be poisoning your relationship. And because nothing is ever black and white (except for zebras, newspapers, and, well, I digress), we also included some important exceptions:
1. She makes you feel guilty about devoting time to your significant other or even being in a relationship. She implies, whether outright or passive aggressively, that you're being selfish when you can't make the same amount of time for her as you used to. You, in turn, feel stretched thin, trying to accommodate both her and your man. Is "Friends Forever" Realistic?
Exception: If you can't remember the last time you had one-on-one time with your friend, she may have a good case against you.
2. She repeatedly and unreasonably blames every relationship problem you have on your man. It's natural for us to side with our friends when discussing these issues; girl talk is great for vindication purposes. But if all her suggested solutions end with "dump him" or if you feel you always have to defend him from her attacks, be wary. Clearly, there is a chip on her shoulder that could eventually affect your perception of him.
Exception: If many of your friends are independently saying similar negative things about your man, perhaps you need to put on a different pair of glasses—ones that aren't rose-colored.
3. She forces you to choose between her and the man. The "it's him or me" conversation is a red flag. It's a good idea to address how she's feeling—but to bring it up as an ultimatum shows an unwillingness to listen, let alone compromise. Friend Or Boyfriend? Moving Past The In-Between
Exception: This construct doesn't apply to smaller 'it's him or me" decisions such as, "Who are you going to sit next to in the car?"
4. She makes you an outcast for being in a relationship. Among other friends, she frequently frames you as an outsider. She plans a girls' night out and doesn't invite you. When you confront her about it, she says she assumes you would be hanging out with your significant other instead.
Exception: Make sure that this isn't just a reactionary move to you being overly gushing about your newfound love.