You'll never see a dude turn to another dude and ask, "Do I look fat in these pants?" But that doesn't mean men are invulnerable to insecurities, no matter how much we'd like to think so. Women are upfront about their fears, doubts, and self-esteem. I used to think it was just compulsive gabbiness, a quirk of the fairer sex. But, in fact, it is an admirable coping mechanism that's even a little bit courageous. That said, I'll sack up and admit that I've spent a lot of my life feeling like a fatty, a chubasaurus, half-man and half-marshmallow. The Frisky: I'm Fat, So?!
(Do these pants make my ass look like too much jello was shoveled into too small of a trash bag?)
Men have always had insecurities. We just don't talk about them, preferring to grit teeth, squint, and clench fists. Mostly, we overcompensate, mistaking swaggering arrogance for bravery. And we have been doing this since time immemorial with diminishing returns. Our swagger has gotten us trampled while chasing bigger Wooly Mammoths, or splattered by limestone blocks while designing taller pyramids, or shot in the face while vaingloriously galloping mighty white steeds into machine gun nests. Not much has changed: There are still dudes swinging thimble wangs, flashing plastic, and braying like sweat-glossed swamp donkeys. Sometimes they drive their sports cars into trees. Hopefully, in another thousand years, we'll have rid the gene pool of this transparent bluster. After all, giving a name to your fear makes it easier to kill. The Frisky: 11 Ways To Show You Love Your Body
If I had to hazard a guess as to the number-one male insecurity, I'd say it was hair. Many men, from their early twenties on, live in mortal fear of losing their locks. Thanks to my swarthy Mexican-American maternal grandfather, I have, so far, kept my hair. But I know it's a source of never-ending dread for dudes. I sincerely believe women who tell men that they find the shaved head sexy. But like the beefy Biblical badass Samson, when a man loses his hair, he loses his vitality, his game. Or so it feels. I had a friend who eventually ended up dating a wonderful woman who soothingly convinced him that shaving his noggin made him unbelievably hot. I give her mad props for gingerly convincing him to go Jean-Luc Picard. Because before her, he would slick his hair straight back, with greasy strands revealing wisps of scalp. It was brutal, and he never asked what I thought about his hair, and I never said anything. Because what would I have said? How's the chemo going? The Frisky: Do You Struggle With Your Body Image?