7 Terrible Ways To Propose

By

proposal
There are good and bad ways to pop the question. And then there are terrible ways.

Reed Harris wanted his proposal to Kaitlin Whipple to be memorable. He decided that the best way to achieve this was to take her to Wendy's with a bunch of friends, drop her engagement ring into her Frosty milkshake, and propose to her once she came across the ring. In order to speed along the proceedings, an eating contest was suggested, to see who at the table could finish his or her Frosty first. 

But then the unexpected (or very predictable, if you've ever seen a situation comedy) happened: Whipple won the eating contest, swallowing down the Frosty in a matter of seconds without ever realizing there was a ring inside it. Of course, an x-ray and lots of prune juice and a handful of television appearances followed, and now the ring is safely on Whipple's finger.

In our opinions, this might be the worst proposal we've ever heard of. Not because Whipple ate the ring (that was to be expected), but because, from the get-go, it was tacky, unromantic, and breaking three out of the seven rules most intelligent people already know when it comes to popping the question.

Rule 1: Don't propose in a restaurant, fast food or otherwise. We know what you're thinking ("But we met at TGI Fridays!"). That's too bad. A restaurant means there's an audience. A restaurant means there's the potential for a lot of embarassment should tears (of either joy or rejection) arise. Also, it's totally unromantic to have to sit at the table waiting for the check to show up after being asked the most important question of one's romantic life. Cooking For Two

Rule 2: Don't propose in front of friends and family. It's bad enough being proposed to in a public place. But the pressure (and lack of romance) is even worse when you're surrounded by friends and family. What if you two really want to get it on after the question is popped? What if the friends or family jump in when you don't want them to? What if the answer is really: "No, I don't want to marry you"?

Rule 3: Don't put the ring in your beloved's food. First, because food is sticky, gooey, and oftentimes greasy. Second, because human waste is sticky, gooey, and oftentimes greasy. And when a ring get swallowed, it usually ends up sticky, gooey, and greasy in both ways. 

Rule 4: Don't propose in a dangerous place. Recently, a man in Maryland proposed to his girlfriend on the rough and rocky Billy Goat Trail, near Great Falls national park. Not long afterwards, she fell off the side of a rock face and had to be rescued by a U.S. Park Police helicopter. Obviously, this was a bad way to propose. First, because a proposal can make a person shaky and excited and less agile. Second, because if your beloved says "no" to your proposal and then falls off a cliff, you might look like a suspect should any injuries arise.