How To Have A Last-Minute Summer Fling

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summer fling
Labor Day is your last chance for summer loving, here's how to make it happen.

Hey, summer's almost over, what have you been doing? Seriously? All you've done this summer was see Transformers 2, Julie & Julia and The Final Destination and go to the Grand Canyon? You gotta get crackin', brah. While summer doesn't actually expire until the third week in September, Labor Day is traditionally the last hurrah. It's hard to call it "summer" once football starts. 

So, how do you cram an entire summer of loving into a long weekend? "Like a ninja" is how.

 

Step one: Music. There's nothing like a musical montage to make it seem like something lasts much longer than it really does. The guys over at Uncle Empire have a list of every song with the title "Summertime." It's a good start but you need to also pump all of the jams from the summer of 2009. Including but not limited to: Kid Cudi "Night 'N' Day," any song by Flo Rida, that annoying/catchy song by the Black Eyed Peas, Lady GaGa "Love Game" and the Ting Tings "That's Not My Name." Do not listen to anything else (unless it involves a "poker face" or the consequences of waking up in Las Vegas), if you want in on this summer's zeitgeist.

Step two: Get some sun. You do look a little bit healthier with a touch of color. This comes from a guy who avoids the sun on account of his shame at freckling. But you daywalkers look pretty nice with some color.

Step three: Don't overdo the booze. Frankly, alcohol is the world's greatest social lubricant. But you do not have the luxury of a blackout or a hangover. Chase every drink with an equal or greater volume of water as you pace yourself. Yes, you will break the seal very early. You maybe should have thought of that back in June.

Step four: Clothing. Part of your reluctance to become the "summer you" may have to do with body shame. Don't worry about it. A) I'm told there is summer clothing that flatters all body types. B) See step three for a bit of comfort. C) Everyone looks great naked in the dark. Read: What A Man Sees When You're Naked

Step five: Making your move. If you've had no summer lovin', there is a good chance that you are single. Not to worry. There are plenty of singletons who haven't been nearly aggressive enough this summer or just want to party hardy until they head back to school (or the office or wherever). Do your best to seek out someone who will feel the end of summer most acutely. A lifeguard, a schoolteacher, a student or a camp counselor will do (rent Wet Hot American Summer if need be). Let them know that they have it going on but you only want something for the summer (i.e. this weekend). Be prepared to lower your standards slightly.