The Emotional Side Of Rough Sex
Behind the fetish: How BDSM makes one woman feel like a virgin.
I thought I'd had "rough sex" before; I'd been spanked on my butt plenty of times, had my hair pulled, even been caned once while strung up with my hands over my head. That hurt, and I cried, and I liked it, because I'm submissive like that, but it was just a one-time thing. I'd had plenty of encounters with talking dirty, spinning all sorts of nasty fantasies, where, most of the time, I was on the receiving end of some very hot epithets. But I'd never wanted to be choked until I got together with the guy I'm dating now.
The newness makes me feel, to invoke Madonna for a moment, in some small way, like a virgin, like I am giving him some part of myself I've never given anyone before.
He knew I was into spanking, and we'd been friends for over a decade, so the first night we got together was plenty kinky. But from there, in the past four months, it's only gotten more intense. I don't know exactly when it started, but once he put his hand around my neck during sex, I realized I loved it. At first, it was just a bit of added pressure, almost an afterthought, somewhere else to touch me. Since then, though, it's become something I crave in a way that sometimes scares me, and I like both parts: the physical intensity, and the scariness. Sometimes, in addition to spanking my butt, he also hits my breasts, and, at my request, slaps my face. Sometimes this happens during sex, sometimes while I'm going down on him. He'll grab my hair, yank it hard, pushing and pulling me like a puppet, and I love it. Actually, love is an understatement. The more dominant he is, the further I want him to go. The Frisky: 13 Things Men Don't Understand About Women's Bodies
There's something both exciting and arousing for me about the way we interact. I've done kinky things before, but usually in a more casual context, or in a more playful way, and I've never been choked before. The newness makes me feel, to invoke Madonna for a moment, in some small way, like a virgin, like I am giving him some part of myself I've never given anyone before. Even if he doesn't know that, I do, and it makes it feel special.
I've been trying to find words to describe just why it's so exciting, and, despite writing daily, I find it a challenge. If you're not into any type of BDSM, I doubt you can understand the thrill, but I'll try. You know how sometimes your mind drifts off during sex? (And please don't tell me it's never happened!) Even if the sex is good, sometimes your mind just goes somewhere else. Well, when someone is slapping your face or choking you, that doesn’t happen.
Discussion
I have had this same experiance this year for the first time and it was awesome. Totally hear you. I haven't gotten the crying experiance though. I feel it as a release. I aslo havw the same type of person doing this to me. It is a very safe an awesome experiance. Some of my girls think I'm nuts and some say they've done it for years. I think everyone should try it once.
i HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FACINATED BY ROUGH SEX BUT NEVER HAVE HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF EXPERIENCING IT MYSELF. i'VE ONLY BEEN WITH TWO GUYS... THE FIRST ONE ONLY WANTED TO PLEASE HIMSELF AND THE OTHER COULDN'T KEEP IT UP LONG ENOUGH. i'VE NEVER EVEN HAD AN ORGASM BEFORE!!!!
I was choked for the first time ever this year by my lover - not my estranged husband of over 14 years. My instinct and gut told me to me to go with it. He knew what he was doing and when to stop. And he's a lot bigger than me - I am very petite. It was thrilling. How do I get him to do it again?
My wife says the closest she ever wants to come is rough sex is makeup sex. She says she can still feel the anger in my stroke. i had no idea.
While I understand and can appreciate the appeal of BDSM related activities, I do want to caution you on one point. There is NO SAFE WAY to engage in breath-play or choking. If he's actually cutting off your air, not just putting his hands on your throat, but actually SQUEEZING, he could accidentally kill you. I would caution the author to not engage in this kind of play anymore.
Actually, when you are choked (in general), if it is just cutting off air supply and not the blood flow to the brain, if the person doing the choking can tell when you're starting to pass out, then there isn't really any danger. Now, if he's cutting off the blood supply, there is a danger, but not if he's only cutting off air supply because in those cases you ALWAYS pass out before dying.
I usually keep a hold of my guy while doing this so he knows that when my hands starts to loosen, he needs to let go. It's really not that dangerous.
Choking yourself, though, is actually pretty dangerous, because either you can't get to that light-headed stage or they can't stop choking.
There is something highly arousing about a man's hand around my throat. It's the not knowing in that moment. Could he ignore my requests to stop? What if he goes too far? It's that fear that intensifies all the sensations and emotions. Things become heightened. Hopefully you're with a partner you trust completely.
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