Ripple-Effected Souls: Spouses Of Sexual Abuse Victims

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Ripple-Effected Souls: Spouses Of Sexual Abuse Victims

Thirty-odd years ago, a sexual predator set his sights on my wife—then a defenseless child. Quite understandably, most people (myself included) shudder when they hear terms like "rape," "sexual molestation," or "sexual abuse." They shudder in an even more disturbed way when these terms (too-commonly) pertain to children. And they *should* shudder at these heinous crimes. One thing few people ever talk about, I suspect, is the devastating ripple-effect that these criminal actions have on others in society (aside from the victim).

The story of my wife, her history with men, her marriage to me, and how this cruel, senseless act 30+ years ago has affected (and continues to affect) our relationship is far too long to include here in its entirety. I've sketched it all out, though, and a first draft took 10,000 words to convey (and, again, that was only a sketch). Suffice it to say, though, that the effects of this horrible act have been *profound* over the years. Signs Of Domestic Abuse

 

Really, I just want to take one single moment for myself here, basking in the anonymity of this web site. I doubt my wife will ever read this, and neither will anyone else who knows me. As such, this site offers a rare chance for me to scream out just a little of what I'm feeling in my soul.

For so many years, I felt awful even thinking of myself at all when it came to this subject (and I still do). The truth is, I'm plagued with guilt and shame for feeling victimized. After all, the horrific experience my *wife* (or *any* sexual abuse victim) went through is surely incomparably worse.

But, for this one, single post, I'm going to indulge in it. In advance, I sincerely apologize from the bottom of my heart for doing so to anyone who has ever been violated. I know that your pain is unimaginably worse than mine, and simply ask that you can forgive me for this one moment of selfishness. If that's you, then please just leave this web page, knowing in your heart that I do not mean to ignore what you've been through or diminish the severity of it one iota.

You see, I sometimes imagine what it must be like for others out there whose partners have been molested / raped in the past. I already know what it does to the victim's mind, body, and spirit. Yes, I know those things all too well. But I also know about that woman's *partner / husband / boyfriend* ... I know what it does to *your* relationship with the victim, and your love/sex life with her. And I know what things it leads you to consider...

At times, when the emotional wreckage seemed insurmountable, maybe you considered: "Should I leave?" But then you felt terrible guilt for even thinking that, knowing that what happened was not her fault. You then soon felt ashamed to have even considered abandoning such a hurt soul (even if she was ostensibly pushing you away afterward), and you realized that to actively love her is probably the only answer (just as to actively love is probably the only real answer to anything and everything). And maybe, like me, you knew you could never talk about this aspect of it with her. You wouldn't want to imply, after all, that you're only sticking around as a matter of charity.