5 Rules For Being The Other Woman
Being easy isn't as easy as you might think.
Kate Major recently spoke with the CBS Early Show about her affair with Jon Gosselin, the real reason why she quit her job at Star magazine a few days into their affair, and the fact that the father of eight inevitably got back together with Hailey Glassman.
Clearly devastated by the situation, the second Kate insisted that she was not a dummy for getting involved with a D-lister with an estranged wife, a 22-year-old girlfriend, and a brood of children. Rather, she described herself as something of a victim.
Of course, we'd love to be able to reassure her that she's right. But in fact, we can't. After all, any woman who knowingly chooses to be the other woman is not a victim, and that's the first thing she should know before taking that path. Read on for more about this, and four other rules for women who choose to be the other.
1. Don't define yourself as a victim. Victims do not have power over their situations. Victims do not knowingly inflict pain on others. Victims are children who are ignored and women who are cheated on and a lot of other things. But if you are the other woman (ahem, yes you, Kate Major), you are not a victim.
2. Don't believe his promises. Kate Major said that Jon Gosselin promised to hire her as a personal assistant. She said that that was the real reason why she quit her job as a reporter at Star magazine. Of course, after she quit her job, he quit her. The lesson: don't believe a man who is dishonest enough to cheat on his primary partner. If he's lying to her, he's probably lying to you, too.
3. Don't derail your life for him. If you're the other woman, you should not plan your life around the two-timing man you're involved with. You should not, as Kate Major did, quit your job. You should not relocate. And you should not give up the other things in your life that are important to you. After all, he wouldn't.
4. Don't expect him to derail his life for you. Kate Major thought that Jon Gosselin would leave Hailey Glassman and start a new life with her. She thought they would have a happy life that involved romance and work and possibly (we presume) a bit of D-list fame. But she should have known better. There are very few advantages to a man leaving his secure life for someone who's proven herself to have questionable morals.
5. Don't announce your affair to the world. Really, if you want to maintain some level of respect in the public eye (or, in the very least, in eyes of your friends and family and colleagues), you will not sully your name or someone else's just because you're behaving badly. And no, you will not grant interviews to national news outlets to discuss the affair, either.
Photo via Bauer Griffin.
Discussion
I was married for a long time. he came right along just as we were breaking apart and I was grateful ... I knew it was rebound and I was ok with it ... I eventually realized he was married and cheating ...that sucked as whatever we talked about in reference to his divorce was bs .. i felt duped, betrayed and stupid fro not being more observant ... i just wanted someone to hang with and have sex ... i was with my ex for 15yrs and no one else .... guess i was deluded and naive to think i could have that type of relationship with no strings or pain ... it took me a while ... but i got it. ...
Whoa there Betty!
First off there are a good deal of women out there that have no clue that they are the "other" woman. I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years before I found out about his other girl friend. And who's to say who the "primary" is anyway? I was living with my ex, yes LIVING WITH. However she was too. Turns out he told her that he traveled a lot with his job so he was only in town 2 days a week, yes he told me the same but was home 5 days a week. We were both around for approx. 2 years, but she had his baby and I had one on the way. So, who's the "Primary girl" and who's the "other woman?"
Even with more defined relationships it can be fuzzy, and marriage does not always mean commitment in this day and age. Maybe its a problem created by my gen-x-ers out there but it is reality at the moment.
My best friend was married for 8 years, cheated on him daily and was actually engaged to someone for 4 of those years. Who's the "primary" there? You guessed it, the husband of 8 years. She divorced him last October and is now marrying the other guy, and dating a few others by the way.
Amen, Lyz - getting involved w/ a married (or even separated) man is a set up for disaster. Your heart WILL get tossed under the bus and the remains will be driven over by a Mack truck. IF he DOES leave, you are only a temporary "bridge" from married life to singledom.... who wants to be a bridge anyway? And, get this: MOST MEN will NOT leave a sound life regardless of how "unhappy" he may be. The only thing you are providing to him is filling in the gaps that his otherwise lack-luster life needs. HE gets the complete happy life: a good home, kids, and a great wife that puts up with him, and what do YOU get in return? Stolen moments. EVERYONE gets cheated when a man cheats.... maybe this is why it's called "cheating"????
especially do not derail your life for him. Ladies, you are not number one. The wife is no matter what. The wife, the kids, the dog, the cat, the house, the car----everything comes before you. So no use complaining or harassing the wife or following the kids home from school because this is not "fatal attraction". Stay in your lane and play your role or fall back completely. You will be glad you did.
