What If You DO Need A Man?
Are some women just happier in a relationship?
"Some women are just happier in a relationship."
As my shrink said this, my jaw dropped to the floor. Did she really just say that? The woman who had feminist literature on her bookshelf and never failed to induce a pep rally of self-empowerment at the end of each session?
We were, of course, discussing (OK fine, I was complaining) about my lack of a boyfriend, and inability to get over some of the ones I did have. For me, I surmised from my psychotherapy high horse, the issue was about loneliness and, therefore, about some childhood father complex. I thought I sounded smart; it seemed like something my psychiatrist would say herself. The Frisky: The Top Ten Best Things About Being Single & Independent
But her response was both jarring and a relief. Some women are just happier in a relationship. Huh? Isn't the modern woman supposed to be totally amazing on her own? But at the same time, the tension in my heart unclenched as I considered the phrase that potentially answered all of my romantic issues.
Was I one of those women? And do they really exist? Looking back, I began to think it might be true. When in committed relationships, I was happier. When single, I was depressed. Perhaps this was chance, but I realized that I took better care of my life with a boyfriend by my side. I kept things cleaner to show respect for his presence in my living space. I bathed more often and took care of my acne-prone skin. The Frisky: Does Hooking Up Make Us Lonely?
I dug up a paper I wrote during my senior year of college when I was living with the man I planned (at the time) to marry. Based on Daniel Miller’s A Theory of Shopping, I had explored the author's hypothesis that purchasing could be motivated by love, and proved it by shamelessly charting a week's worth of my purchases. At the time, the list was comedic (I had a friendship with my very giving professor). But now looking at my list, I see a zeal and motivation I don't always find in my life now. In buying skim milk, bran cereal, flax bread, I was taking pride in eating healthy. With the new dishes and wine glasses, I added sophistication to our home. I recalled feeling satisfied and grown up when we began enjoying food on matching plates and not drinking Pinot Grigio out of mugs.
Discussion
I would definitely be much happier with a man. I won't say I NEED one to be happy,but I am lonely and feel the desire to be loved and wanted by somebody. And I agree with everyone who said that you shouldn't be labeled as needy and dependent. Everybody deserves love,but unfortunately I have had bad luck with that,lol! But,I refuse to follow in the footsteps of others I have seen who just jump for the first one they meet because they're desperate and wind up getting themselves in a total mess. No,I intend to be picky when it comes to getting a man. Of course,the main thing he has to be willing to do is accept my disability, and that has been my biggest challenge getting someone. But,I still haven't given up hope that one day someone out there who will love me for me and all you others out there don't give up either.
I absolutely feel joy when I am with a man. It is true that I feel happier. Others tell me that I have that "glow" whenever I'm with my significant other. I never NEED a man, but I WANT a man that I can share my heart and my thoughts with. @ Lyz...that is something to think about!
This makes me think of that story about how people used to be perfect circles until we were split apart. Now we are imperfect halves seeking our whole. Of course, I think that's super romantic and a little silly. No one needs someone else to make them happy, but good relationships do enhance the enjoyment of life. Just like any other good thing.
M. Joseph Miller II & his 2 cents.
This is one of those things that make you say "Huuuum".
So whats wrong with being happier in a relationship? I mean, yes women are all into the "I'm every woman", "Oprah wannabee" "Power women" mode.
Thats actually rediculous. Now I'm not one to say that everyoe should be married or in one committed relationship. Yes I said it...be in several committed relationships, whats good for the goose is good for the gander, its just that the typical women is not really equipped with being in a relationship with more than one man without eventually falling for only one.
Men and women were MADE FOR EACH OTHER...look at the parts and the instructions (If there were any) would read something like this, P1 fits in V2 and if both of your models have P1's then trade one in for a model with a V2!
So yes, If you do need a man...thats ok....because even the most chauvinist of us men NEED a woman...... or two.
And, on top of that, most men have better health and longevity when they are in a long term committed relationship. Kinda counter-intuitive to the whole "men have a genetic pre-disposition to spread our seed" deal.
I know I'm happier in a relationship. I'm fine on my own, fulfilled and full of mirth, but I get to do so much more when I'm with someone I care deeply about!
I certainly can relate to that......as a single woman who have been in long relationship, (i'm currently not in a relationship now) I find myself missing that special someone to talk to, laugh with, have coffee with, see a movie, cuddle with and the personal relationship. I am happy if I am in a relationship...all my bells & whistles, mentally & physically are all alert...and I was told many times that I have a smiling face everyday when in a relationship. I believe that with someone things are happier.
I also wanted to add, people make decisions about their daily lives hoping to bring them happiness of some sort. Being a part of, or not a part of a relationship is another one of these choices. So, what if I have been trying ever since I can remember, to obtain this bit of happiness for myself?! We hear the advice of "when you stop looking you find it" jazz? "Focus on yourself first", etc. I thought that was what I WAS doing?! I don't care how "together" someone's life is... LIFE HAPPENS! It won't always be that way! We all have that in common, the ups & downs that is life. And I want to be able to leave this life knowing I was able to enjoy it & not missed out on something so meaningful & important!
Why should it be such a bad thing to want to share your life with someone?! We get bombarded with all sorts of "rules" & "how to's" about being successful dating; and making us feel bad when they catagorize people as needy etc. I feel that the world caters more to people who are married, coupled off versus single people. It's like you don't exist if you're single! We ALL have the common need of feeling loved, wanted/needed. It shouldn't be so hard. But, then again anything worth while is! I am just sick of how much of a "game" it all is & that guys are the ones who hold all the cards & if you do this... or don't do that... you'll get & keep him interested....... If people took relationships as serious as they do about their jobs, finances, etc. then it wouldn't BE such an issue!
Most people are happier in relationships. Despite the negative press for marriage in our society, studies show that married people, men and women, feel happier than single ones.
I think we should be able to accept this without thinking it makes us needy and dependent. We all want love.
