Recovering From An Emotional Affair
After the affair, what do you do?
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Discussion
I also find the concept a bit odd. I read a question posted by a woman who described one in a way that made sense to me. She and the guy she was having an emotional affair with were not actually having sex. They were, however, spending lots of time texting and e-mailing each other romantic messages. It was like an affair, but they only kissed.
From my understanding, its where two people have a deep connection and attachment to one another. It doesnt need to involve sex but its an intimacy that is shared between the two lovers and is lacking in the other committed relationship.Something like that.I read it on google.
I can relate. I am currently in the procees of starting over with someone who has had an affair. It has taken me quite some time to realize that I am capable of forgiveing him because he is the man that I love. I have had to make the decision to forgive, forget and move on. What's in the past will hopefully stay in the past. Bringing it back up in our "new" relationship is not going to help us get through it.
This has been a serious issue between my boyfriend and I. I have always remained friends to some extent with ex-boyfriends, not all but some. There are those that on occasion of a bad break-up or lonely reflective times have the ah-ha moment. The ah-ha moment being "we were meant to be together, you are great, blah, blah, blah" I know when these moments come, and ease them through with, we still talk because we don't date, remeber when? Unfortunatly, my new boyfriend whom I care for deeply is very insecure about these friends. I being independent said they are my friends, well we all know where this is going.
There was an incident with a friend and he was texting me at home my boyfriend caught me texting him to "get over it" and it ended our relationship for a while causing ireversable trust issues. If there is someone in your life that you love, whoms feelings mean more than your own, then you won't allow any other relationship to come before it.
I can relate. My bf had an emotional affair on me with his previous gf, who while they were together lied and cheated almost the entire relationship. I didnt know until recently, when we were actually reconciling after a breakup. I found emails. He always stays friends with his exes, but I made it clear that this one needed to be gone, for good. He agreed, and said that he told her they could no longer have contact. But I still keep finding her email added back into his address book, after I keep deleting it out. How am I supposed to move past it when this keeps happening? I need his help to move past it, and every time I think we have everything cleared, there the past is, back again.
Unfortunately, I am the other woman in this scenario.I can understand your pain.I commend you for hanging in there knowing what you know.I am not proud of what I did and I dont think it makes me a bad person neither. I had an affair with a guy only to find out he had a gf and kids.Yeah hes an a*****e and player but I was silly and unfortunately it didnt stop me from seeing him as I had already developed a "likeness" towards him.No matter how much I tried to ignore him and stay away, he pursued me and I finally gave in.I cant explain why but I was drawn to the naughtiness.A friendship soon turned into an intimate affait and we saw eachother whenever we could.He was not discreet however and the whole town knew I was the other woman.I knew it was becoming risky but we continued.I found it hard to break away.Anyway 8 months later, I fell pregnant, we continued to see eachother and his gf found out about me.She saw my number on the phone bill and told me to back off. I did but he did not.I changed my contact details and she deleted me from his email, and changed his facebook and phone number.I didnt want anymore trouble and stress and knew by the time I was preganant things were out of control.Anyway, its been 2 years now and he is still in my life and my sons.He is still with her but she doesnt know that we are back in contact.He found me through Facebook and stuffed letters in my mail box and sought out friends to find me.I cut him off but he always managed to find me.I dont think its right whats been done but I feel more of a connection to him now that we have a son.I dont like him as a person but for some reason I would rather have him in my life than not at all.I think if he goes through all this effort to resume contact, then maybe you may need to think about giving him up (sorry I dont mean to be mean) or accept her as part of the triangle or accept him for being a true a*****e and cut all ties.Sorry for the speech, but its also hard on our side of the fence when it wasnt really intentional and are just as helpless.I dont think you can control the dude neither as hes gona do what hes gona do.I hope it all works out for you though....seriously.
I can relate, but I was "the other woman." Odd to be on the other side of all of this and yet, we never had a REAL relationship. He was just, really, the person that (I eventually) ended up discussing everything in my life with.
After a chance meeting, I didn't know he was married for the first few months we talked. We both worked from home, (in different states), so could talk during the day and spent HOURS on the phone ALL the time. He even managed weekends and nights, most of the time, to be in touch. Then finally he admitted to being married and I was so shocked and stunned and hurt... yet, we kept talking, because, well.... it was "innocent", right?! WRONG. NOTHING innocent when the intimacy level is this deep and this close. WRONG when we became the first people we wanted to talk to when something happened. When the conversations were this deep, when the connection felt so real.... it was all still fake.
It is an odd feeling to terminate something that was actually never real.
It really hurts so much. I miss my FRIEND. I wish of course that he could've been more to me, but that wasn't possible. But I miss that closeness we had.
