I understand the pain of cheating and knowing that your spouse or significant other went to someone else. I fully understand that. I also realize that the wife who has been cheated on immediately becomes the victim, and no one's pain or hurt compares to hers. Personally, I'm not one for people crying "victim," but whatever works for you. However, what I see too often is that the wife/girlfriend doesn't realize or doesn't want to accept the fact that the mistress often loves, cares about, or at least has feelings for her husband/boyfriend. Only on rare, rare occasions is there no emotional attachment involved. And this is where I have came to live. I realize that I have strong feelings for a married man.
He has been seeing more than just me on the side and I knew given the other's personal situations that it would not take long before one of them started to cause problems. The reasoning I have behind that is that one is 32 with 4 children and the other is 38 with 2 children. I knew that they wouldn't be fooling with him for too long before they wanted to "play house" or bring home a "new daddy." I was right and it turned out to be the 38 year old. He knows that I'm soon to be 24, no children, live alone, have my own vehicles, and my own life. I don't NEED him. Apparently the 38 year old would call or text him constantly while he was at home nad when she knew his wife was around and it has caused a major uproar at their humble adobe.
I emailed him after I calmed down from my outburst last Saturday and he told me that he had a response for me and we briefly spoke a few days after the email. He told me that he was trying to figure out whether or not he wanted to be married and that he was leaning toward not being married. He said that he'd nearly had enough. I asked him about his interest in me only being sexual, and he claims that was not what his interest was because he didn't have a problem getting sex. He stated that he had thought a lot about it recently and was trying to figure out just what his interest in me is. We had to end our conversation before I had the chance to ask more questions.
Now, I know that if he left his wife there would be a tug-of-war over him and that's not something I'm interested in participating in. The war would be between at least the wife, the three mistresses, and the ex-girlfriend that he still talks to...I know that the ex-girlfriend would win. So, I know if he leaves his wife I would be out in the cold and I would hate him. So, having come to this conclusion, I feel that it is appropriate to start easily backing out of the situation and moving on as peacefully and non-chalantly as possible, not to cause a stir...that way, at least I can make an effort to safeguard my feelings and my pride in the event, as the old folks say, "worse comes to worse."
I have options. I am a young, educated, attractive, rough-around-the-edges good ole Southern girl. I'm not worried about being alone or not finding someone. I just hate myself for getting into this situation, especially with someone I work with, as neither he or I plan on going anywhere anytime soon. We will have to work together, we will have to see one another, and there is no getting around it. I'm sure he'll continue to be insanely good looking and I don't see him letting me "forget" anytime soon...he's too full of himself to allow anyone to slip away at their own choosing...he can push you away, but you don't get to leave on your own. I know that this choice is going to be difficult, but I think it's beyond time for me to start thinking about me.
Hey, there are plenty of other married men in the sea! (Just kidding!)