Cheating How-To: Tips From A Mistress
No, it's not what you think, I'm not giving you tips and techniques on how to cheat, but tips and techniques on how to catch a cheater, and how to affair-proof your marriage or relationship. Nonetheless, if you're a cheater you could probably utilize the information contained within...read on.
I am going to make an attempt at writing a post that includes affair-proofing your marriage or relationship, and tips on how to catch or confirm that your man is cheating. Watch: How To Catch a Cheater
First and foremost, know your partner. If you don't spend much time with your partner, if you don't simply lounge on the couch or talk to one another regularly, you need to. Silence is one of the biggest relationship killers that I've experienced, you need to verbalize what's going on in your relationship, not only with one another, but talk about work, talk about your interests, your goals, and know your partner. Communication is golden, and you need to have open lines of communication. Furthermore, if you know your partner, you're more likely to notice changes in his patterns or moods. Read: Which Love Language Do You Speak?
Secondly, don't pay too much attention to the "common" signs of cheating that are plastered and spoken time and time again. Unless your man is a caveman, he's probably smarter than that. Common signs include:
- lack of sex - A smart cheater isn't going to slack up on sex at home, he'll probably be giving it to you the same as always or possibly even more often. The key here would be noticing changes in the sex, not the frequency. He'll pick up new tricks or techniques from a mistress and use them on you...if you've been dating or married for a while and his bedroom manner starts changing without notice, pay attention.
- going out with friends out of no where - Now, granted, this is something to pay attention to, but seriously it could really be just going out with friends. Now, if he starts constantly going out with his buddies and develops a pattern of doing so that he hadn't been doing...pay attention. Going out with friends isn't the deal, he could legitimately be going out with friends, but might call it a night early and meet up with a mistress, so if you ask the friends if he was there - he was.
- long absences with stupid explanations - Taking hours to complete simple tasks, going to buy milk, etc. These are usually things people tell you. If he goes to the grocery store and takes an abnormally long time...check the receipt, it will show what time he checked out. So, if he left at 12pm, and the receipt says he didn't check out until 3pm, you know that no man was shopping for 3 hours. Furthermore, ask! This goes back to communication, if you're curious, ask him what took him so long!
- strange phone behavior - This is actually a good point. If he becomes over-sensative about his phone, starts putting it on silent, turning it off, or safe-guarding it, there might be a problem. However, uness your man is a total nitwit, don't check the device, check the bill! He can erase calls, voicemail, and texts from the device, but not the bill. However, men are evolving, and a pre-paid phone can be purchased at many major retailers for under $20 and all he has to purchase are minutes, and bam! he has an untracable method of communication, no bill, different number, and therefore, even if you check the bill, you'll find nothing. However, I've only seen savvy cheaters go to this method.
Discussion
I was a mistress once. One thing to look out for....things you KNOW you didn't buy him that he wouldn't buy himself. I used to by my BF colognes that he liked, sweatshirts I thought he might like, even jewelery. If he's always worn Polo and he's been wearing Hugo Boss, someone else likes the way it smells on him!
Well, being a wife is WAY better :) My Mistress adventure was a learning experience. I was married at the time also, and very bored and unhappy. The "other man" was married. He and I had been friends since the 7th grade (our affair occurred when we were in our 30's!) so we had been great friends for YEARS. I thought we were soulmates, thought we must be destined, blah blah blah. I ended up divorcing my husband, he never left his wife. We saw each other for 6 years! And we weren't discreet. It was truly a bizarre time for everyone concerned. Our entire town knew, including his wife. We finally ran our course and ended the relationship. I am now married to someone else (my TRUE soulmate). He is still married and has yet another mistress. It's a never ending thing. A cheater will always cheat!
Wow, I would really flip if my husband had been wearing things from another woman. Guess it really brings home that he's having an affair.
Although in my husband's case, just having something I didn't buy or help him get would be a give-away. He really hates to shop.
My ex-husband was the cell phone secrecy king. He would keep his phone on vibrate at all times and he would leave the room to answer the call. Sometimes when I would walk into the room he would suddenly hang up the phone. Even though I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt eventually his cell phone behavior became one of the things that contributed to me leaving him.
