Just when we were beginning to feel as if we've got it going on in terms of sexual prowess, a few uber-talented upstarts swoop in to make us look like amateurs. Around The World: No Business Like Ho Business
Take Tatiata Kozhevnikova for instance. Tatiata is a Russian overachiever who has the world's strongest vagina. Yes, you read that correctly. Her vagina is strong—like, in a Mr. Universe kind of a way. Unfortunately, we don't think it's bulging with muscles (but haven't seen any pictures...). She's exercised her nether regions the way we do our abs for the past 15 years and now Ms. Kozhevnikova broke some sort of world records after she lifted 14 kilograms worth of weights– almost 31 pounds with her vagina. (shudder)
How does one get a stronger vagina? Wonderful question. Glad you asked. This was Tatiata's workout regime:
After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak. I read books on Dao and learned that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls. I looked around, saw a Murano glass ball and inserted it in my vagina. You insert one of the balls in your vagina, and it has a string attached to it with a little hook at the very end. You fix a second ball onto this hook. It’s enough to exercise your vagina five minutes a day, ladies, and in just one week you’ll be able to give yourself and your man unforgettable pleasure in bed.
Next we have a group of men who are good with their hands, have vision and think outside the box. True artists. But instead of carving woodland creatures or throwing clay, they create skin shapes out of their penises. Again, yes, you read that correctly. Puppetry of the Penis (we can't make this stuff up) is an ensemble of men who strip down and show audiences how pliable their penis skin truly is by "shaping, folding and manipulating them into the shapes and likenesses of food items, wildlife and international landmarks." They'll start performing Off-Broadway in New York City in August.
Sounds nice. One minute it's a flaccid penis and the next it's the Easter Bunny. How cute. The Puppetry of the Penis will put the balloon twisting clowns out of business. Just watch.
However, we think a cascade of mothers would shield their children's eyes were one to simulate The National Monument.