5 Things My Husband Hates About Marriage

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my husband hates marriage
A husband sounds off on his top five pet peeves of marriage.

After my brutally honest essay, "The Five Things I Hate About Marriage," Adam has finally prepared his rebuttal. Here are the five things my husband hates about marriage.

1. Bathroom sharing. He seems to take issue with my hair. Yes, it is long. Yes, it is dark. Yes, he loves to run his fingers through it. But he does not like to see it in his brush, in the sink, on the floor, and in the shower. He also does not seem to understand why I need to keep an artillery of products on the counter, poised and ready for combat, at all times. Are a round brush, a vent brush, three combs, and 15 different types of leave-in conditioner all really necessary? "And why do you need both a flat iron and a curling iron to be plugged in at the same time?" he asked me the other day, completely bewildered. "What's the meaning of life?" I responded, knowing that neither question could ever really be answered. Read: Sharing a Bathroom? Cohabitation Tips

2. Bed sharing. According to Adam, he is getting a lot of action in bed, and it comes in a variety of ways. Whether his covers are getting ripped off, or his pillows are getting pulled out from under him, he can always count on me to suddenly arouse him from the deepest sleep. Speaking of getting aroused... "When is the best time to initiate sex?" he recently inquired. My answer: Not when I am tired, sleeping, writing, doing yoga, having PMS, having my period, ovulating, or feeling fat. It's really not that complicated, is it?

3. Nonstop compromise. Adam grew up eating fast food, Chinese take-out, and Hostess and Nabisco snacks. I am an organic, mostly vegetarian type who hates anything processed. Shortly after we were married, I unceremoniously threw out his Wonder Bread, Ding Dongs, and Ritz crackers in one fell swoop. He didn't know whether to slowly stab me to death or sit shivah. "I cannot live in a house with Wonder Bread!" I declared. End of discussion. "This is called compromise?" he asked me, as he tried to choke down a piece of whole grain cardboard. Sharing Space: How to Merge Your Styles