I THINK OF YOU ALWAYS...

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I think of you this morning , as every morning you are endlessly on my mind . As every instant i can feel the emptiness that comes with your absence ; nothing feels the same . The quiet security and little everyday joys we used to share have now more importance to me ; because that is the one thing in my life that i will never get ...again.
Damn you were so silly and always did hilarious things , sometimes verging on irritating ; those are the times when i loose it the most , especially when you kept doing the same ol' bull**** i told you to stop .
But overall i could see that you were trying hard to fix yourself for my sake  , sometimes it worked for a short while then you were back to being true to your sick self , back to that you that i hate !... At times i forgot that we promised to love each other forever , sometimes i forgot how sick i used to feel when we are apart , other times anger takes control and blinds me from seeing how much i did love you . Now more than ever i remember what i have always known : i can't and never will stop loving you ! even dead i will keep loving you .
If there is one person on earth who knows me the best , you do ! ; but strange enough you just could not see through all what i was doing ; you just gave up at the moment we needed to be the strongest to stand up victorious . Are we not suppose to fight for love , fight for us , not give up on the other even when they make us leave . We are meant to never give up but we did , u did!
And now i'm full of regrets and sure you are too , filled of memories and i know you too , letting go the hardest thing yet and i know you too find it hard to let go . I believe it is harder on you because you love me more than i do , dark moments in the day i feel them and i know you must be feeling sad too somewhere at that moment . I have always felt when you are not okay , and when something bad is to happen to you ; I do feel your happy moments too seems that's when i get a minute of rest .

I'm learning to love again , i'm learning to move on each day that goes by , i'm learning to deal with your absence , i even met someone amazing and learning  how to date . It's been so long i wonder how you are doing , what's new ?Right now i can feel you are not fine ,  i wish things get better for you no matter the problem . ..
 
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