Rules Of Transitional Relationships
The 5 most important things to remember when you are hooking up after a break-up.
Going through a break up is hard, but what do you do when you are ready to start dating again? You don't want to jump into something serious or bring your break up baggage into what could be a potential long-term relationship. That is where the Transitional Relationship comes to play.
You must be very choosy when picking your TR. There are several rules that you must follow.
1. A Transitional Relationship is not a "Booty Call." It also cannot be someone you dated already. The TR needs to be someone new. Someone who doesn't know you or your baggage.
2. A Transitional Relationship cannot be a one-night stand (see Rule #1.) You must have a "relationship" with this person including prearranged dates, hand holding as well as intimacy. You must know their first, middle and last names. No exception.
3. A Transitional Relationship must last no less than two weeks and no longer than one month. Whatever you do, do not marry your transitional relationship: See Britney Spears, Jennifer Lopez, etc.
4. A Transitional Relationship cannot be with anyone in your intimate circle (see Rule #1.) As the Transitional Relationship is a single-serving boyfriend or girlfriend—they must be used up and tossed away, never to be seen or heard from again (except for the case of the "booty call" in between other relationships.) DO NOT ADD THEM AS A FRIEND ON FACEBOOK OR MYSPACE.
5. The perfect candidate for a transitional relationship is everything you are not looking for in a relationship. The ideal candidate exhibits behaviors unlike yours. In other words, the transitional relationship is not someone you would bring home to mom. Ever. See Toxic Bachelors, Femme Fatale or the proverbial "WOMANIZER."
The Transitional Relationship is meant to cleanse your palate for your next relationship. It should be someone who is quintessentially not your "type." The ideal transitional relationship has a beginning, middle and end that leaves both parties completely satisfied and ready to move on. You part "as friends" but generally have nothing to do with each other after the break up (with the aforementioned Booty Call exception.)
The great places to meet your transitional relationships are: online, at a bar you do not regularly frequent, in another city, on vacation—basically anywhere you do not plan on visiting in the future or would not be heartbroken if you never visited again.
Discussion
What is it called when it last longer than a month, but no more than three months, and no heavy emotional involvement occurred?
I didn't think this was a good idea at first, but the more I think about it, the better it sounds. It would help a person to get back out there and no one would be hurt, because the other person just wants to use you anyway. Perfect. A good way to date, have intimacy, a friend to do things with and sex. I like it.
Over my lifetime, as a serial monogamist, I have learned that you need to have a little "fun" in between a serious commitment. I have made the mistakes (having it last too long, dating a friend or coworker and worst of all - marrying my transitional relationship.) Think of it the way you would think of a summer romance or a fling. As human beings we need more than just sex to get over a relationship. We need intimacy, even if it is with someone we do not plan to stay with. The best thing a Transitional Relationship does is that it helps you figure out who you are again.
Wow...that just stank! Feels too much like using someone. As Captain Responsible I would put in there another rule that you should only pick someone who is also seeking a TR so as not to cause undo pain, damage, or suffering from unwarranted expectations regarding the relationship.
That is why there is rule number five. Those kinds of people are perfect TRs because they are not looking for a long-term thing. Also, read the caveat a the end of the rules:
"The Transitional Relationship is meant to cleanse your palate for your next relationship. It should be someone who is quintessentially not your "type." The ideal transitional relationship has a beginning, middle and end that leaves both parties completely satisfied and ready to move on. You part "as friends" but generally have nothing to do with each other after the break up (with the aforementioned Booty Call exception.)"
I love that you compared a transitional relationship to cleansing the palate. So, essentially, the transitional relationship is like a cracker or gelato in between courses :)
Can a transitional relationship be someone you USED to know a long time ago. Say an ex HS flame who you haven't seen in 20 years and they don't know your baggage?
Nope. That would be breaking rules number one and four. A transitional relationship needs to be someone who is a virtual stranger to you before you end up dating. That is where the whole idea is from. The relationship is not a booty call. You need to actually be romanced by this person.
