Breaking up is hard to do. What can be even more difficult than the actual split is the aftermath: getting over the loss and trying to start fresh. Many people can get stuck after a breakup by finding excuses to stay in contact with their former lover.
In her new book, Getting Past Your Breakup, Susan J. Elliot says that a rule of "No Contact" with an ex is necessary to fully heal and grieve after a tough breakup. Although she understands how difficult this notion can be (she has personal experience in the department of contacting exes), she says, "in order to truly get past your breakup, you need to separate emotionally, physically, and psychologically from the relationship, and the primary way to do that is to stop talking to your ex."Read: Stay Together or Break Up? How To Decide Now
In her blog, GettingPastYourPast, Elliot learned from people who struggled with contacting exes. She found seven major excuses that we use in order to rationalize remaining in touch.
1. Why can't we be friends? This sounds nice but in reality an ex does not make a true friend, especially immediately after the breakup.
2. I must have closure. Closure can be difficult to obtain no matter how many conversations one has. The best closure can come from resisting the urge for dialogue and moving on.
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