(Not so) Deep Thoughts

(Not so) Deep Thoughts

In reading a lot of the posts, blogs, questions, answers, comments, etc., that users leave up here I've seen quite a few things that I know I'd love to have addressed.

Posts, blogs, and questions:

There is no way around it, most of them don't really give enough information...not for really good comments and advice. Rarely is a relationship issue really one sided. If you really want good advice then you need to put your own dirty laundry in the relationship out to air as well. It gives a better picture of what the real issues are, where they're coming from, and what actually needs to be done. A therapist or counselor can't do their job correctly without finding out what issues you've brought in to the mix, and the YT community really can't help to the best of their abilities without some of this information. This is also the male mindset at work thinking that you want advice and help since you are blogging and posting questions on here. If you just want some sympathy, well, hopefully you do have some good friends in real life, but you may want to let it be known that you aren't looking for a solution, just someone to commiserate with.

Comments and answers:

I think we can agree that the fundamental purpose of this site is to bring together people with a wide range of experiences to help each other with issues they have dealt with, are dealing with, or are thinking about dealing with. Its a community where we can all offer support and advice that we've gained out there in the trenches to the benefit of others so that maybe they can learn from our mistakes and live happier lives. It also puts us in touch with real proffesionals who may have a more educated insite into our concerns then the rest of us armchair analysts. To that end, I've seen quite a few comments that are highly judgemental, that don't really focus on the question asked, or where the commentor obviously skimmed, or read, up to a certain point where they made a decision and posted their answer. For the down and out negative commentors; think for a second before you blast them - this is someone asking for help. Odds are, this person has gone to people that they thought close enought to ask and couldn't get an answer from, or they really don't have someone else to get advice from. There are ways of getting your point across with out being cruelly blunt! Sure, you've always called a spade a spade, but do you always slam someone that is looking for a way out of their problems? Does that really help the situation?

For the ones that don't take the time to read all the way through...do it before you answer. This goes for reading answers or comments that are already posted as well. I see a lot of answers that completely throw me for a loop because they got as far as reading a situation that they went through and that was it...they sounded off on it. The fun part in giving advice or answering questions on here is that everyone wants to feel competent, everyone wants to toot their own horn in some way, and, unless we divulge our real names, locations, etc., we are completely anonymous on here. The serious side to all of this is that these are real people and real couples going through real issues. The advice you give has the potential to make or break that relationship if the user asking the question believes it to be right. In other words, what you say is having a real life affect on people, whether you see it or not. In skipping ahead, or not giving real thought to what is being said, or in just making a snap judgement, you could be ending something that could have been very fixable and gone on to being very healthy and happy. On the other hand, you could be putting people back together that really should seperate. I know this kind of takes the fun out of annonymity, but this isn't a site that is about nothing more than idealogical debates...these are real lives and they are going through real issues like you did/are/will.

Still, these are just my observations. If you were to try and come up with some guidelines for being a good YT user what would your suggestions be?


Expert advice

Save your breath because you only need two words to make him commit.
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
It seems like you can't do anything right.