In a surprise move, H agreed with me. He actually said I was right about his treatment of Bridesmaid—that he shouldn’t keep lying to her and therefore he should break up with her. After I picked myself up off the floor, I tried to help him brainstorm the best way to end things, the best excuse, the reasoning that would seem the most logical and the least hurtful (though I am pretty sure he is fucked no matter what he says to her).
I’d like to see him come clean, as honesty is my policy, but since that’s not going to happen, this is a pretty good move. H is pretty worried about how she’s going to take it—she is, after all, the kind of girl who decided she was in love with someone she’d known for 36 hours—and doesn’t want to make her cry. Neither do I, but he made his bed, and it’s good to know he’s finally going to lay in it.
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I suggested that he tell her that he’s not interested in an exclusive relationship right now, because it gives her the option to hold onto him while still letting them see other people, which is not a bad idea. But he seemed to think that suggestion is more likely to get him slapped (more likely than other ways of breaking up with her? Whatever), even though not being exclusive is sort of a normal part of dating that he and she foolishly skipped. What’s wrong with trying to slow things down?
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Instead he wants to tell her that he’s having trouble with the long-distance aspect of their relationship, that he needs to be dating someone, you know, local. (Someone he can bang on his lunch break, like, oh, the Cougar, who he has continued to fuck since the weekend.) I warned him that Bridesmaid seems a scootch imbalanced and could interpret that to mean he wants her to move here, but it’s otherwise not a bad excuse, I think, and not too terribly far from the truth.
The only troubling bit left is the timing. Bridesmaid is scheduled to make a trek out to visit him next weekend, so which option is best? Tell her now, and waste the money of the plane ticket (he bought)? Tell her when she’s here and make her angry at having wasted the time? Tell her after she leaves and he’s finally banged her, dragging everything out further, and with additional emotional investment? And what of Cougar—does he intend to simply sideline her for a week while Bridesmaid is here? He hasn’t been honest with her either, as she is unaware of Bridesmaid’s existence; and as H said, Cougar seems to think they’re dating now. And why do I continue to chronicle H’s ridiculous sexual dealings? As if he is ever going to learn from these things. As if I will. You can lead a horse to water, etcetera.