Me, My Husband And My Baby: Who Owns My Breasts?
A new mother questions her breasts' dual functionality, as both sexual objects and food source.
A friend of mine recently described the state of her boobs as "balled-up wet socks." She, like I, had donated her breasts to her daughter, nursing her for the better part of a year.
But this isn't another story about the state of a mother's breasts, the kind that—if you've never had kids—makes you decide right there and then that you will not be nursing any future children because you can't imagine ever describing your own breasts as "saggy," "lifeless," or "uneven." Read: Loving A Post-Baby Body
Instead, this is a story of ownership. From one relationship stage to the next, my breasts seem have become someone's else's domain—anyone's except my own.
They were all mine, of course, when I was single. When I first moved to New York, I spent many nights exploring the city as a single woman. Or more specifically, the city's nightlife. But, I'm a serial monogamist. I've been in long-term relationships for the better part of my adult life.
Dating—and being single—was really just a route to get back into my comfort zone: taken. I'm not very good at casually dating, and I only made one disastrous attempt at dating two men at once.
The thing about being single is that your body is no one's but your own. The boobs were mine. They served their purpose as part of the package deal, the deal that landed me my last boyfriend (and current husband).
As soon as we became serious (oh, about three dates in), ownership shifted. We're not talking indentured servant ownership, but that kind of possession that seeps into any committed relationship. They were all his for sexual interludes, and he wasn't required to ask permission to cop a feel. And just as in any equal partnership, his body was all-access to me, too. It was an unspoken covenant of the relationship—of any romance, really. Read: Which Body Part Is Most Popular?
It wasn't until my husband's ownership was threatened that I realized he really thought they were his. When we learned I was pregnant, and the elation-fear cocktail wore off, we started building our parenting philosophy. Of course I'd nurse. Or at least try. My husband was all for it, until he heard me say something about my breasts being off-limits. Although I had yet to experience breastfeeding, I could already tell you I did not want any accidental adult nursing sessions during sex.
My husband had many months to say good-bye to his best friends, and I had many months to overthink the fear of breastfeeding. It was really difficult to set aside the sexual component of my breasts. That's what they were made for, right? (Wrong.) I just couldn't imagine an infant latched on to something that was, for me, purely sexual.
Discussion
oh boy, i am so torn about children. on the one hand, it is an experience that prompts most women and men to say its the reason for living. but on the other hand, i am so happy with my relationship and my body now--I'd hate to fix something that isn't broke, so to speak. I look forward to the joys and rewards of being a parent, but I am terrified )to the point of really considering whether I will have kids at all) of the pain and sacrifice-sacrifice of your body, time, energy, your relationship! I don't know how I will ever decide. this is a serious battle in my mind, and I just become more scared of the complications and repercussions-saggy boobs, flabby body, floppy...well...V, no time for fun or travel or your man. uuuuugh i wish there were all pros and no cons to this issue.
And it gets worse after the baby turns into a toddler. You don't want any more human contact after a child has been hanging on you all day. It means working really hard to keep the relationship going.
….and it begins. The moment you start to think, you have to give something up or that certain parts of you are off limits for no “real” reason, the relationship changes. When one, is true to the relationship, one finds a way to please all and this is the joy of motherhood (from my perspective). If your boobs were too sensitive or painful to the touch, tell your husband this but remember he has needs during this period as well – find a way to share with him as well. If you used a pump to save the milk from the less chosen one, then get him to help you pump. You are a family, your boobs are so small compared to the other challenges you face as the mother. Good luck and Happy Mother’s Day!
Hmmm, I hated being pregnant the last 4 months. My hormones went out of whack and I became the B from hell, constantly anemic, and gained 100 lbs out of no where. My sister on the other hand loooovvved being pregers and became Mrs Mary Sunshine. The good news was, after my daughter was born, I gave up my title of "The President of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee" Yah, the boobs went from nothing to a nice large B when empty to a large C when full. Close to feeding time I could shoot milk 2-3 feet, or lean up against a counter I'd leave two nice little puddles.. Those pads you can get to put in your bra-maxi boobs pads-were worthless! I literally cut up Maxi absorbant Night Time Feminine pads, and changed often. It was great breast feeding, and having natural child birth....totally natural no nothing for 38 hours. My daughter fed every 2.5 hours like clock work, and yah she prefered one over the other, but my OBGYN warned me and said to milk the neglicted breast to keep up and even. He said she might change her mind and the neglected breast wouldn't be able to keep up. He also told me to get a breast pump, worthless piece of crap, and milk myself so DH could enjoy the pleasure of feeding our baby from a bottle. Nope! She would have none of that! So we did the family cuddle so he could be a part of it. I fed her for about a year. My doctor also told me to have lots of sex and walk a lot before birth, take 8 weeks off from intercourse after birth, but do other things. The thing is my boobs were a milk factory, Elsie had nothing on me! So during DH and my time he tended the smaller neglected boob more than the feeding boob, he loved it!, and my daughter had her favorite. Women are all uneven to start with. Most women, even without giving birth, can be .5 or 2 cup sizes different. I didn't care...I finally had boobs! WOO Hoo. Sex was amazing after, and that 8 weeks we couldn't I would have orgasms during late night feedings. The first time freaked me out, but the Doc said it was normal and okay. Yes my boobs would get hot and painful, to the point I took my daughter to business meetings, latch her on, and threw a blanket over the shoulder. People could get over it. My daughter came first, and she refused any nipple but mine...but I decided feeding her was better than giving everything and anybody with in shooting range a milk bath and the relief of ahhhh. Think cramps in the boobs. Breast feeding is a once in a life time experience. Amazing, wonderful, bonding, loving, exceptional...........Highly recommend it! for me, my child, and DH! As far as the saggy boob after? Well I did my booby exercises, always wore a perfect fit bra, and now I'm 45, my kids are in their 20's, and I am still semi perky. Nipples don't kiss the navel. My sister went from a G down to, with each kid....some gain some loose, but I still like my boobs and so does DH!
Well we did not have a lot of money so...you get an large orange or grapefruit, make a diamond with your arms-elbows level with breast/heart, put orange between hands and squeeze the orange using your chest muscles and shoulder/upper arm muscles not lower arm or hands. Found a greener/firmer orange works better than a really rip one. Gave a whole new meaning to fresh squeezed orange juice! ha ha Squeeze-release-count 1 squeeze-release-count 2-do 10 minimum. Then hold orange over head, holding orange with both hands, arms straight, squeeze orange count 1, bring down 2 inches squeese count 2, bring down squeeze 3 until orange is level with nose or adams apple (if we had one)-Next get 2 gallons of milk/water-or what ever-place them on a table or counter and lift straight up, don't angle or go higher, than nipple/center chest height-one gallon per arm, lift left put down, then lift right put down = 1 do 5 min . Then turn sideways, grab gallon on counter and lift, with elbow bent, then strighten as if in a sideways punch until arm is straight out to the side level with shoulder. This took awhile for me, and when straighten you will be at an angle not level with shoulder, only lift as high as is comfortable with a little pull in the chest and under arm muscles. Do minimum 5 then switch to other arm. My Doc said a little with more reps is better than perfect and few reps. (did that make since?) Then place gallons on floor, lean over and lift gallons about 3 inches off floor and work your way up to lifting to the chest. This is for the back, leans up and strengthens where the bra usually goes around the back. 5 min You can also sit on floor with legs straight out in front of you, feet relaxed, back straight and do this but you don't get rid of "the baby" tummy this way.
Then do the....ummm...make your arm an arch over your head holding orange-like a ballerina- bend at waste-right arm slowly min count of 5 bend towards the left side, left arm bend right side. Then stretch your arm towards your head to almost straight-hold minimum 3, bend arm, straighten body=1. You should feel the pull on side and ribs and when you stretch you feel your side under your arm pits. ( You know that flab part caused by, so I have been told, too tight of bra's-myth or fact not sure) Then keep your orange, strighten your arm straight out to the side, shoulder level, arch you arm in and touch orange to breast bone/clevege, straighten arm=1 do 5 then switch to other arm. Yes it looks absolutely absurd but it works. Then eat or feed the kids or hubby the squished orange! Yum! Now we have more money so I guess I could use my weights and small palliates ball, but I still use grapefruit, gallons of milk...oh and canned goods work as well instead of orange do the counter lifts while putting them up. Anyway now those minimum counts are minutes. ie minimum count of 10 is now 10 minutes. Did any of this make since? Jillian Michaels I am not. It does not have to be done in this order. This is what I like. Just make sure you do all in some order. Doc prescribed, I did, and still do.
I think that one of the most terrifying things about having a child is giving up your body to the baby. You literally sacrifice your bodily self to make and raise a child. That makes me give mother's my undying praise and admiration, but also...makes me terrified.
I didn't experience it that way. I enjoyed my first pregnancy and spoiled myself rotten. I ate tons and my husband was always doing me favors. I liked having a baby inside me, but I felt like I was still myself. My second pregnancy was harder because I had to do some bedrest.
I liked breastfeeding. In the first few months the amount of time you have to spend doing it is overwhelming and it can drain your physical energy, but on the other hand, it's a great excuse to just sit down and read and cuddle. When the baby starts to eat other things, nursing isn't so non-stop and it's just a nice break. Although I suspect nursing is more enjoyable to moms who are not trying to do a lot of other things.
Raising a child is really a much bigger deal. They are around for years and need you all the time. I didn't feel like I was sacrificing my body, but I did sometimes want to be by myself and not needed when my kids were small. The thing is that as they get older, they move away from you physically. It's nice not to be needed quite so much, but I find that now I look at babies and want to hold them.
Babies and little ones also have a great way of smiling adoringly at you just when you're at you're craziest that melts away the bad feelings.
