25 Secrets To A Loving, Lasting Marriage
Couples who've been married up to 50 years share their tricks to making wedlock work.
These real-life couples have been in the marriage trenches and they're still laughing, smiling, having a ball. Here, their secrets to making love last for the long haul.
"We're best friends. You really have to like each other to last. When the sex becomes less important you better enjoy doing things together (while still doing things apart). We drive for days to car shows sometimes. So we better like each other." Ralph has been married to Teresa for 17 years.
"A key to success was my willingness to give up the home decor I had brought into our relationship. This included my neon-light beer signs, a Jethro Tull poster, a bedroom set collected from at least four non-matching sources, a bamboo sofa, a brick-and-wood bookcase and a roll-top desk from my youth." Steve has been married to Barbara for 24 years (Irvine, CA ). Move In Together, Fight-Free
"We made a pact to never fight about money. Financial problems lead to divorce. We didn't want our relationship to deteriorate over something as inconsequential as money. We've been through financial ups and downs, including bouts of unemployment and significant credit-card debt. But we never cast blame and remain calm during financial discussions." Lisa and Brian celebrate 12 years in June.
"Never discuss sensitive subjects when hungry or tired. And eat marshmallows to improve communication. What's the one thing you can't possibly do with a mouthful of marshmallows? Talk. Communication is more about listening than talking. I tell my wife, if something I say can be interpreted two ways and one of those ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other one." Steven has been married to Sheryl for 20 years (Longwood, FL).
"I once read in an old book on marriage: 'Always treat your husband as an honored guest in your home.' In other words, be on your best behavior. This has rubbed off on me and he reciprocates. It works! My own saying about marriage is: 'A good marriage is made up of a thousand small kindnesses.'" Trudy has been married to Paul for 35 years (Yuma, AZ).
"We purposely sit next to each other on the couch each night. My father told me to be sure to do this when I got married. It makes it impossible not to physically touch each other!" Stephanie has been married for 18 years.
"Always find things to laugh about. Laugh together. Times are tough. Tragedy happens in all families. Things will go wrong. But if you find ways to laugh about "it" you'll form a special bond and can overcome anything!" Dawn has been married to Tony for 32 years (SanFrancisco, CA).
Discussion
"What is most important for a long-term marriage is knowing yourself before you marry." Nancy has been married to Don for 16 years (Temecula, CA).
.......... this is the truest statement of all.
I can understand and applaud the advice from the many years married couples. In my situation I do not know where to turn for advice. Geriatric advice to those marrying widows is really not plentiful. My husband and I have been married for six years. He is now 69 and I am 67. He was a widower of two years (married for 30 years) when we married. I had been single for 20 years. His is a very calm laid back guy and has a gentle nature and that is all good. I am very energetic and have always been active. We had only been married for about 3 months when he started having health problems. Nothing really bad, he has a stint and a back surgery, otherwise it is just a situation where he has low energy and complains almost daily of some nature or another about his not feeling up to par. It is difficult to go on vacations because he cannot walk very far, two blocks, before he has to sit down and recover. He is good about going to the doc so has been check from head to toe several times and seems to be in good health. He gets up at 3:30 a.m. and I sleep til 7 a.m. and I guess that is okay, but it was hard to get use to. He has to take two naps a day, one in the morning and one in afternoon, even on vacations. AND really I have to admit I have complained about this and had serious talks to convince myself to just handle it and not say anything. I have heard it said, "well you knew this when you married him, didn't you". NO, I did not, we had good times, went dancing, went on trips, etc. I know I sound like I am a nag, but I have been a willing sex partner, until that went too, and truly do not know how to examine this relationship. I recognize that I have my faults as well, but he never really wants to confront our relationship at all. Maybe that is not odd for guys, but it is not helpful. This is no time to start over, too old for that, so if any of you couples out there with some similar situations and have it figured out, could you please give me some well earned wisdom I would appreciate it. If not , I will plod on. Thanks.
I think it must be very difficult to get into a marriage and then have to deal with health problems before you have had a lot of time to build up your relationship. Also very disappointing if you were expecting to enjoy your years together.
I would suggest that you get some counseling on your own to help you deal with the situation. Also, make sure you have plenty of friends and family to talk to and give you support as you take care of him.
It sounds to me like your husband probably can't change his sleep patterns or have sex or do a lot of the things you want to. It is probably difficult for him to talk about if he thinks he can't do anything about it. He may feel like a failure as a husband.
Perhaps it would help if you focus on the things you two still can do together. Make sure to compliment him and appreciate what he does.
