No Happily-Ever-After Pt. 1

No Happily-Ever-After Pt. 1

The story goes: Once upon a time in a land far, far away, girl meets boy. Instantly, the birds start chirping melodiously, the stars twinkle brighter, your life's soundtrack consists of harmonious, upbeat love songs as if John Mayer himself is serenading the two of you as you stroll hand in hand down the path of Love.  All is well and they live happily ever after….

But the reality is that that land is usually so far, far away that only some relationships survive the journey: so what happens when the chirping birds fly south, the stars dim as the clouds roll in and the internal music sounds more life Alanis Morissette's, Jagged Little Pill?  Your fairy tale romance starts to take a turn for the worst and plays out more like the scene in Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and the rest of her entourage enter the dark, ominous woods; an interpretation of the current state of your relationship can be visualized as the scene whether the evil flying monkeys are dismembering the poor, defenseless little scarecrow.  In a nutshell, when is it time to finally let go to a dying relationship?  

My best friend of over 8 years started dating a guy from our hometown almost 2 years ago.  In the beginning; the courtship was slow and normal and the getting-to-know-you phase was going along smoothly enough.  They began spending an excessive amount of time together whenever possible which happens when the infatuation becomes deeper and you‘ve made the step in the committed relationship.  I fully had her attention when she gabbed for hours on end about their relationship.  I was very supportive and happy for her (even a tadbit jealous, I suppose).  But early on, I began to notice a shift in her personality.   [I often am baffled at the things girls get upset with in regards to the men they date.  I've came to discover I think a lot more like a man which was confirmed even more thanks to Steve Harvey.]  She started to get uber upset when he didn't immediately answer the phone or the 5 text messages that followed.   His friends who were girls and existed far before their relationship began would post silly or vaguely flirtatious messages on his Facebook wall and she would try to dissect their meanings and intentions.  She was annoyed when he hung out with them even when she was present.  Occasionally a Boys Night Out would occur and he would go out with his buddies and not invite her.   Instead of using this as an opportunity to hang out and catch up with the friends she had been neglecting, she chose to stay at home alone.   She would sit around and wait for him to call her or incessantly check in with him.  Naturally, he wouldn’t respond each and every time due to circumstances like loud music, engaged in conversation or just not in the mood to talk at that time.  This would send her into a scary rage mixed with insecurity and distrust. They would get into screaming fights and breakup, making the announcement to the world (or social network: Jane Doe is in a relationship but it is complicated….5 seconds ago) Eventually, a completely new, person spawned from the once bubbly, humorous friend I knew.  Infatuation turned into obsession.  She rarely ever came to hang out with our friends anymore and if she did make an appearance it was only brief.  Within 2 hours of hanging out, she’s eventually freak out about something relating to him and either leave or tuck away in a corner to fight with him on the phone.

[[ATTN: I want to make it very clear that his conscience is in NO way clean on this matter.  His behavior would lead a non-biased party to believe that she wasn’t completely psycho and that he DID behave in ways that would provoke a fight but I don’t know his side of the story.]]


Expert advice

If you can recognize this pattern, you can handle your favorite narcissist more effectively.
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