Real Life: What Made Me Cheat
"I believe the lack is in the cheater. It is not the marriage or the spouse. There is a hole in the cheater and that is their responsibility to fill or ask for what is needed. There is never a reason to commit adultery. How abut leaving, how about honesty with the self and the spouse? How about vows, communication? The same steps can be taken without the affair. ie. getting needs met. The action is not taking responsibility for oneself. Insight and personal growth is without the cheating and profound hurt for all which follows. The pain never goes away entirely. Just say NO, like and adult." -kwd (Anonymous user)
[Found under: http://www.yourtango.com/20099874/4-types-of-infidelity-how-affairs-help-marriage]
Wow. I cannot help but comment about this...this response and attitude is wrong on so many levels in my opinion...and I'm going to discuss why.
For starters (unless you've read my other posts) I recently broke off my engagement after getting involved with a married man. I am still involved with the married man. So, I am going to begin with what was going on in my relationship that led me into the arms of another man:
Discussion
The guy I was dating/engaged to would always make it very, very difficult when I tried to break up with him which is why I started doing things in hopes that he'd break up with me. For instance, if I tried to break up with him, he'd surround me and wouldn't let me talk or anything...it was all about him and what he was going to do to make it better.
Furthermore, he moved about 60 miles from his hometown to mine to live, and he was working about 30 miles away (or 90 from his hometown). I didn't want to kick him out because I knew he'd lose his job too.
I didn't go "looking" for anyone...it wasn't about finding someone else. It..."just happened"
I agree that she (the wife) deserves better or deserves an honest marriage.
HOWEVER, I AM NOT MARRIED TO HER... HE IS. - SHE'S NOT MY PROBLEM.
