strip clubs
Why Strip clubs are NOT good for a marriage.
You can't blame a man for being a man and wanting to look at naked women. It is programmed into their DNA. However, when a man is no longer single, these activities should be put on the back burner. It is truly disrespectful to come home smelling like another woman, not to mention drunk and broke. My man and I have had a few good blowouts regarding him being in strip clubs, which almost lead to our breakup. Ladies demand respect in this category especially, don't let him make a fatal error that could ruin your relationship. and at the same time make sure you are doing your job in every area, do not give him a reason to enter that strip club!
Discussion
I wrote this article awhile back. Since then my man and I have come to an understanding. I have been to plenty of these clubs with my male friends years ago. so I don't live in the stoneage,nor am I in denial. We have decided that when this itch comes up, I will go with him and get a lap dance myself. This way I have not castrated him, he can see other women, i am there to show him i want him to have good, time just be in control (money, alcohol, ETC.) This has solved the issue. He no longer sneaks around to be in a place like that, we set ground rules. Is really working for us!
WOW, i must be a different breed of woman. I wouldn't care if my husband went to a strip club as long as I know about it. In fact I would go with him and have him buy me a lap dance. It is about trust if you trust your man to look but not touch then I really don't see a problem.
I guess my last comment was harsh. One thing I need to say is you have to give credit where credit is due. These strippers have the best HUSTLE on the planet. Take off clothes get hundreds or thousands a night. And men fall for it the most, they got what you want to see, you got the money they want to spend!
Question Lyz & Shelle,
For ya'll is this a hard and fast rule? If dude goes to a bachelor party and they happen to go to a club, will you hold a grudge? If so, would you hit a bachelorette (someone has got to come up with a better word for that) party that featured some ab-ed up, bronzer-addicted dude in a banana hammock?
Just curious, because I understand that no one wants their guy to smell like enorme, brass polish and bourbon three nights a week but once in a blue moon, one of his buddies might get dumped, engaged or back from Afghanistan and might just want to see some ladies in pasties. You know?
I happen to agree that not getting "it" at home is not carte blanche to act like a jerk. It's a real reason to start a conversation, though.
Hey Tom, the difference is that men are visual, we are not. Yes we recognize a good lookin man, but it doesn't make us moist an wanna drop our panties automatically. To put it so bluntly! We don't think with what's between our legs like ya'll do.
I guess if it wasn't a constant thing going to these strip clubs, it wouldn't make me so uptight. As long as he lets me know he is going. And SKIPS the lap dances! I know them ho's have special rooms to give men bj's and then some. All ya'll have to do is pay extra. The majority of these clubs are straight up nasty, and yes we do know what goes on in them. It is all these things that make it a better choice ( i think ) to just skip them altogether, save yourselves some drama when you get home. One more thing: what does getting dumped, or coming home from war got to do with looking at stank HO's?
Good question Tom. Actually, I guess when you parse it out like that, if he had an event coming up that implied attendance at a strip club and he and I talked about it beforehand I probably wouldn't have too big of a problem with it. But that would probably depend on his take on strip clubs. But in the end, what is most uncomfortable to me about strip clubs is is how they turn people into objects and nothing more. I don't think that's ever a good way to look at someone. And no, I wouldn't go to a bach-ette party with banana hammock dude. I'd probably sneak out when he showed up. Stripping gives me existential angst. A lesson I learned rushing sigma sigma sigma :)
But we might never have this convo, the last bach party my DH went to involved paint ball. At least it wasn't a LAN party :)
True. I just read an article saying even when men have great sex lives with their spouse they cheat anyway. how dishearting. Do you believe their are cheaters to the bone? And their are non-cheaters to the bone? I value your opinions for whatever reason, I like when people make sense. Hard to find now-adays.
Thanks shelle! that's nice of you to say. For whatever it's worth, I think that there are people who get stuck in cycles of behavior and refuse to have the courage to do what it takes to stop that cycle. And they will do or say anything to keep the blame from themselves. But I also think there are people who make mistakes and work very hard to apologize and change. We all screw up in one way or another and I think if we own up to our mistakes and the pain we caused that it goes a long way to reconciling. People shouldn't be identified by the worst thing they do, unless they let that thing take control over who they are.
I completely agree with you! No strip clubs. But the one area where I disagree is that women have an obligation to keep men out of strip clubs by doing everything they "should" do. First off, there are no "shoulds" and no guarantees. If I don't do something and my DH runs into the arms of another woman, that's not my fault. That's his. He is the one making the choice to run the other way instead of sticking it out and working through the issue. It works the other way too. But I think it totally undermines the respect you are talking about to then go and blame women for driving their men to strip clubs. That's cockamamie.
Lyz, I didn't say it is the womans fault if the man does go to the strip club. I'm talking about women that don't give their man sex for weeks or months on end. That might make a man go look at other women. And yes a man that doesn't stick around to work things out, an heads straight to another woman is a very weak man! Or a weeny!
Your right. If he doesn't have sex for weeks or months on end, he may go looking somewhere else, but he also may go looking somewhere else if you have sex for weeks or months on end. It's an irrelevant point. I personally, would like to be able to trust my SO whether or not we are having sex at that time.
