Dumped? 10 Healthy Ways To Heal
Breakup tips to help you get over a split without eating, drinking, shopping or sleeping around.
Ice cream, alcohol, meaningless hookups: the go-to antidotes for a bad breakup are often about distraction rather than relief. What's more, they tend to injure more than assuage, as if the breakup itself didn't cause enough pain.
Here, we've identified 10 healthy ways to deal with getting dumped that don't include booze, food or flings:
1. Buy the Dumped! Fun and Games Activity Book, which offers such whimsical games as "I Cried to Smell Few (I Tried to Tell You)." Help broken-hearted "Sam" decipher what his friends have been telling him about his now ex-girlfriend in lines such as "Why stink clue fan screw fetter." Translation: "I think you can do better." Read: Can You Buy Happiness?
2. Surround yourself with happy people. Recent research from Harvard and the University of California, San Diego shows happiness is "infectious," so take up with a group of friends or organization that you know is high on life.
3. Log on to justbeendumped.wordpress.com and submit your breakup e-mails or IM conversations. The names are changed, so it's an anonymous way to have complete strangers tell you what a jerk he was. Your friends need a break anyway.
4. Listen to these top 10 breakup songs of the year. From Pink to Kanye, these tunes are all about getting back on your feet.
5. Learn boxing. Boxinggyms.com lists location around the country. Get angry—then get ripped.
Discussion
My ex wife died, and I got custody of my 9 year old that is high-functioning autistic, and my girlfriend kicked me out, and broke up with me over the phone. Then she slept with one of my best friends and so it ruined two friendships, the one with her that I tried to save and the one with him. Her and I talked, and have fought more since we broke up then we did the whole time we were together, (over a year). we talked about getting back together, but now I have changed my mind, I don't want to be alone, but now I no longer want her. She ignores me, and that says to me that she doesn't respect me. Her birthday is this month and I bought her some jewlry, but only to give her a parting gift. Dragonflys are her favorite, and so I will give it to her to show her that even though I'm done with her, I'm not going to disrespect her, She will be moving soon and I told her I would help and let her use my truck while I am at work. This is all I can motivate myself to do so I will be a giving person instead of revenge, I don't want to do anything to her, and now I can't picture myself having anything else to do with her after she moves. I plan on moving to, I'm just scared she's going to want to get back together with me, and when that happens, it will be hard but I will have to say no, and I am scared that it will crush her the way that the breakup has crushed me, and I don't want her to feel that way, cause I do still love her and I do care. I wanted revenge, but I realized if I had that I would feel guilty about it and then the revenge wouldn't be worth it. I guess I'm too soft, but I'm also unwanted. I didn't have good self-esteem to start with but now its even worse, I have my son, I love him, but I still want companionship, people are too shallow to see me, I'm too ugly to them to even date. Is it asking too much to have someone to grow old with?
My bend would have been to wallow in sappy movies or tear-tearjerker books just so I could get it all out! I love the exercise idea, that definitely helps-- after one particularly bad breakup I took up kick boxing and used to imagine my ex as my punching bag; that certainly was refreshing! I think I wore out that Billy Banks DVD! So I guess my recipe was to feel the sadness then access my inner Zena Princess Warrior so I could feel powerful again. Worked wonders!!
There is nothing wrong with a little comfort food either. Coke and cheesy potatoes (midwestern peeps, you know what I'm talking about). But I love doing a hard work out in times of stress and it was after a bad break up that I started pilates and that lead to kickboxing which lead to running a half marathon. Love working out hard to solve a bad break up!
Vertigo, I'm shocked that shopping works for you! I always feel buyers remorse after shopping to distract myself. I really think the best method is distraction, but doing something that enriches instead. Breaking up is just miserable, but hey, we've all been there.
exercise!!!!!! that is key - whether its boxing, running, yoga or many other physical activities, exercise is so key to feeling better, taking care of yourself, etc. good to spoil yourself with a lot of time with your best buddies, too, of course!
Wow! it's like you ready my book It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him! Giving your home and self a makeover will dramatically accelerate your progress. I love that you also mention volunteering, as doing something good for others will make you feel GREAT! Be sure to take time to mourn the loss, grieve when it hurts the most, and hunker down in your cocoon until you're ready to emerge as that brilliant butterfly.