Top 5 Bedroom Mood-Killers


There are some things that happen in bed that cannot be overlooked: the mood-killers.

Some things really knock the wind out of the sails of passion and somethings are just momentary hurdles in the pursuit of amore. The biggest fear when entering one's first foray into bondage is the danger (and thrill) of being left trussed up. Knowing location of the keys and the exact intonation and identity of the safe word are of upmost importance; your genitals and psyche may depend on it. For what it's worth, a Michigan couple forgot rule 1 and had to call the fuzz to release the cuffs, per the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Do you think there's any chance dude will get to kick the kink up any time soon? I just hope he had some manner of tube clothing handy. Read: S&M For Beginners

So that go me thinking, what are the biggest mood-killers in the boudoir? And here they are in only a semblance of order of importance.


5) Not Expecting The Unexpected: While this happens most frequently on a couple's first shot at getting to know each other Biblically, it can happen to any pair. You may notice that the person beneath you is not particularly well groomed. You may notice that certain physical attributes were gravely exaggerated. You may even notice strange, red bumps. I'll even throw in unexpected moves and hand placement, you gotta ask, ya'll. Whatever you notice, you feel you've been sold a false bill of goods and demand an immediate refund and apology. For shame.

4) My Neck And My Back: Everything is going gangbusters (or bangers, depending on your predelictions) when something doesn't feel so good. And BAM you've pulled a hamstring. Everything else feels pretty good except the searing pain in one specific point. Do you try to finish up or tap out? This happens to men who ain't as young as they used to be. Other injuries have been known to occur when BDSM gets a little out of hand. Be sure to check out our 5 Funniest Sex-Related Injuries. Be careful and don't try to be a hero out there; it's one time, guy.

3) The States Of Matter: Science tells us that there are 3 states of matter: liquid, gas and solid (4 if you count plasma). And any one of these can stop your orchestral maneuvers in the dark flat in their tracks. Sure, a little pop has escaped during everyone's sex life and lots of times the exact origin of said pop is indeterminate, so you ignore it. But some expulsions can't be ignored. While there are fetishes for every byproduct that the human body manufactures, the polite thing to do is ask first. In case you're wondering, some people are into vomit, they have Emetophilia, puke fever. I'm sure there are chat rooms. For you literary sorts out there, James Joyce was a fart-huffer*. Hopefully, this will make you feel better about not being able to get through that impenetrable bastard, Finnegan's Wake.

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