How does someone end up not having sex for 15 years? By accident, swears writer Kit Naylor on Salon.com.
We've all had dry spells, but man, 15 years is one hell of a dry spell!
Naylor is a middleaged woman, a self-described recluse with two cats and no kids. She calls herself "a spinster long past my sell-by date." Spinster! We think that's a sexist way to refer to herself, but nevertheless, we admire how she got that way: she wants to be in love to make love. It seems that by eschewing casual sex and being committed to personal integrity, she's condemning herself to accidental celibacy:
OK, so I've gained some weight with menopause, and I am no longer a beauty, but that's not really the problem; plenty of zaftig women have husbands and lovers who adore them. I know I could walk into any bar in town and leave with some guy willing to come home with me for a one-night stand -- but that feels so sordid and ugly to me. I have known what it is to enjoy sex with love, in the context of a committed relationship -- comfortable, familiar, married sex, if you will -- and anything less than that feels sad to me. I would rather sleep alone than give myself away.
She's right: sleeping alone is preferable to waking up next to someone unfamiliar, strange and sweaty. And it's certainly less depressing than going on an endless parade of online dates: Naylor found online dating came up with men who "look like Danny DeVito" and want someone slim, pretty and 10 years younger. Totally not fair.
Naylor's main problem is that time may be running out for her libido. She writes, "After a while your motor shifts into idle, and you just stop thinking about it." But by the end of her essay, Naylor sounds content to resign herself to make do with a weekly massage for human contact. (We've been there, honey, and that part of our life was pretty depressing. But good luck to you!)
Tell us in the comments section below, what's the longest you've gone without sex and how have you survived a dry spell?