Can A Feminist Like Spanking?
How to be a submissive, equal rights-loving housewife.
Sex columnist Dan Savage tackles a spankophile's sticky wicket in his Savage Love column this week: a young woman wants her boyfriend to both spank and respect her.
She writes:
"I'm a female college student and a feminist. I expect equal pay, equal treatment, and fairness when it comes to chores at home. But I have fantasies of domestic discipline. Some days, I'd like to rush home and clean the apartment and make dinner for my boyfriend wearing only an apron. Then I'd appreciate it if he'd find some excuse--something I did wrong--to spank me until I cry before having wild sex with me."
Girlfriend harbors some serious 1950s housewife "Betty Crocker" fantasies, but realizes she doesn't want her relationship to be all Betty Crocker, all the time. The cooking/cleaning/apron-wearing/spanking is a heightened form of foreplay for her, but it looks so much like reality (rather, some people's reality) that she's fearful her guy is going to blend the fantasy into real life. And thus she asks Dan Savage:
How can you be taken seriously as an equal when you tell your boyfriend that you'd like him to dominate you outside the bedroom (the cooking and cleaning aspect) on occasion?
That's the big question when it comes to sex, and especially when you and your partner fiddle with submission and dominance. Trying to make sense of is it okay to like what I like or does it conflict with my belief system? is exhausting. It's a damn good thing I'm not a sex columnist: I would have gone all "gender studies major" on her and droned on unhelpfully about the submission/dominance dynamic, boundaries, respect and power. But Savage's advice is simple, and more importantly clear:
Get a necklace or a bracelet that you wear only when you want the boyfriend to take charge... When you're wearing it, of course, you're Betty Crocker (whoever she is), and the boyfriend has your consent to order you about, spank your ass, and f**k you senseless. When it's off, you're equals. Easy!
Good one, Dan Savage!
Discussion
well my so is a "Alpha Male" that doesnt fit into my world of courtrooms and suits. It's like this: what we have found is that when our bedroom door closes, he's the more dominant one borderline master and I'm more submissive. When that door opens, we become a regular couple with a more dominant woman, and a semi-quiet male. This is NOTHING to be ashamed of. I should know, it took me a few weeks to get over this myself. Just sit back and enjoy the ride :) (cuz believe me if your man is worth his weight in salt then you WILL enjoy it)
ABOUT ME
I consider myself to be a feminist; I am independent, I live by myself; work and pay for myself.
I have a boyfriend who I sometimes cook for, he cooks for me, he does our washing, I do our washing; I will buy him a lightbulb for his side lamp; he will make my bed in the morning... essentially we look after each other irrespective of gender.
Also I love love love being spanked (and I wouldn't want to spank him - he's a man!)
SPANKING
For me the appeal is;
a) the physical - the sensation (and the sound), i love the mixed intensity of the sound and the sting. Furthermore, after a repetetive spanking period I like him to stroke (and love) my bottom . A combination of the rough and the gentle - lovely.
b) the emotional - he is aware of what I like, what I enjoy and what I am enjoying at the time. I like him to dominiate me because he can - he knows how to get me off. Sexually, he enjoys dominating me not because I am submissive but because I can be submissive.
This is an example of how he knows how to look after me.
Well this make about the 3rd article I've read lately on 'spanking'. I'm beginning to think of it more in the mainstream than something from the darkside. It seems to me there there are really two differnent components to it though. One, as I have understood from another article is the awakening sensation and rapid flow of blood to the to all organs in the area of the buttocks and groin which of course includes the entire vaginal area inside and out and the inner thighs-causing heightened sensation to all nerves and senses in that area. The increased stimulation could certainly cause more arrousal and thus more pleasure.
The second component seems to be the desire and causation of arrousal from being dominated,not necessarilly as a complete lifestyle but only within a chosen and defined period of time. In this case it is the submissiveness that leads to the arrousal. I suppose either one, or both components combined together could be applied. The latter of the two is probably most always only something women might find any arrousal in as I have sometimes heard of it being used in sex play ie: "make believe the man is a stranger and insists the woman have sex with him. I can't immagine a real man wanting to be dominated except as in an episode of ' Housewives' where Brie(?)'s husband admits to his wife that he wants her to tie him up and whip him. And that's not a real man.
While either component might not appeal to many I think the first at least is worthy of some experimentation to open minds.
Thinking about this further there really is another component and that is of the SPANKER getting some sexual satisfaction out of this, would could come just from being stimulated by the SPANKEE becoming arroused.(so far I still don't see much harm if everyone is enjoying themselves) OR, from the SPANKER becoming arroused by being DOMINANT. That's the component that I am very uncomfortable with. To derive SEXUAL pleasure from being DOMINANT seems like a dysfunction. A very scary dysfunction. Which bad enough alone as it may seem I'm afraid could grow beyond the prescribed time confines and carry itself into everyday life. That's sadistic. A term by most anyone's definition is severe dysfunction. NEVER!
NEVER! Gee, that's what I said only a few weeks ago about only a simple little spank. Am I becoming enlightened or demented? I feel certain I could never,NEVER derive pleasure from being DOMINANT. That's not what sex and love is all about. So far as causing heightened sensitivity and arrousal from spanking or being spanked, I'm not so condemning of it and might even consider trying it with a willing partner. Just ONCE!
But don't be surprise if my new avitar one day has me in a kinky leather outfit complete with whips and chains. I've become ENLIGHTENED! I'll report back if I ever meet up with a spanker or spankee. Don't hold your breath.
