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Spanking For Beginners

Advice on how to spank and get spanked.

It's not often that thanks to Victorian-era erotica, a 15-year-old girl experiences a sexual epiphany. But that's exactly what happened to Katherine* during her sophomore year of high school.

When her debate team stopped at a bookstore on an out-of-town trip, a friend purchased a book of 19th century sex stories. You know what happens next: on the bus ride home, a wide-eyed Katherine pored over one tale about a man and his female servant.

This sexcapade, though, had a special twist: it involved a lot of spanking.

"I thought, 'Oh my God, this is an actual thing! I'm not the only one who thinks this is interesting!'" Recalls Katherine, a 41-year-old photographer in New Mexico. She's thought about spanking since she was a little girl, but it wasn't until she became aroused reading that story that she wanted to be spanked by a man in bed.

Women like Katherine aren't alone: lots of people are into love taps—over-the-knee or tangled up in intercourse, one item on the foreplay buffet or the main event. "For some people, a good hard smack is going to bring nerve endings to life," says Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, sexologist and author of Touch Me There: A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.

It's tricky to find out how many people are doing it, but you don't have to look further than pop culture to see we've got spanks on the brain: paddlings make appearances everywhere from old episodes of I Love Lucy to the 2004 flick Along Came Polly to Broadway's hit show Spring Awakening. Back in 1996, essayist Daphne Merkin shocked New Yorker readers with a frank article about her desire to be spanked by a man; even Justin Timberlake promised in his 2006 single SexyBack, "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave." (Were you talking to Britney, Cameron, or Jessica when you said that, Justin?)

The posterior is full of its own nerves, and the bum is also located near the body's sensory hot spots—a man's scrotum and a woman's vulva. A naughty maneuver like spanking is a great way to send ripples through the skin and stimulate that entire area, Fulbright says.

Thomas Roche, a 39-year-old erotica writer in San Francisco, says spanking is "hot, emotionally charged and so intimate" all at once. But for him, the allure of spanking a woman is all the "bodily contact"—a submissive woman's rear end and all the parts around it.

Spanking is appealing to different folk for different reasons. "Some people like the punishment, role-playing thing, some people just like the spanking part of it. For some people, it's more innocent," says Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica, who wrote passionately about her love of a good spanking in her former Village Voice sex column. "You have to figure out what part of it you're interested in exploring so you can explain it to the other person."

Can you relate?

Discussion

Airen Married polyamorous, committed, intimate, free
Can Relate - Posted October 15, 2009

I love the rush of sensation after a sharp smack, but then again I am a very dominant woman so sometimes it is just sweet to let go and let my guys take control. Generally that is signaled by a nice smack and wait to see the reaction. If it's favorable then it goes to a few more...if not then wew move on to something else.

It can be very intimate and actually very sweet at the same time and even those into heavy pain/domination can still appreciate a light tap.

Doesn't make you a sick person to have desires and needs that aren't just straight missionary "pleasure" sex...sometimes the slight sting of a rump can heighten the pleasure.

Score: 0

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Watersisland Starting Over
Posted May 18, 2009

Wow! Can't believe I found this even a little arousing. I saw the movie 'Secretary' . I thought it was bizarre and sick and demented, as I've always viewed any kind of S&M behiviour. My impression of it, just as I've always believed most everyone else I have ever known, has been in the context of humor-llike 'beat me,beat me-harder-use whips and chains'-lol. "No-one ever really does that-it's just something we joke about". In visiting some of the dating sites though (one or two from 'the darker side') , looks like there are quite a few people that are REALLY into it. Stay away from me, I don't even want to attempt to rationalize your pleasure in it. It's dysfunctional! Real sex is pleasurable. Pain is not pleasurable.

I recall many years ago, there were rumors that a local judge (yeah, it's usually the upstanding local establishment type people) was into it-BIG TIME. At least that's what several quite reliable sources told me. Once, after a humorous comment from my wife about spanking while preparing for sex, I swated her on the behind,with her jeans still on. She got REAL pissed. I think it stemed from issues with her first husband.

Well, now this author puts a 'little' rationalizarion' to it. Yes, I suppose ONE crack on a bare bottom will make the blood flow and stimulates all nerves in 'that' region-prostate,vulva,penis,,etc. And I suppose that increased blood flow would further arouse them and increase their sensitivity. But just one........NO! ....No,NoNo. Not going there.

VIAGRA? " No thanks, just give me a good spank!" I don't need either. Sex has been just fine.

Score: 0
Dark_angel Married
Can't Relate - Posted November 22, 2009

Honestly I think you're just a judgmental person. If we applied your logic to other aspects of life, would all activities make you run away like sky diving or other such dangerous activities. I would never want to do that but I can understand the rush. Blood flow has something to do with it but so do the receptors in your brain. They are the same receptors which registar pain (e.g. riding a bike for a long time hurts but can be very rewarding. It's the same pain receptors which go off if you skin your knee). You might not like it but you are not the other one in the world. Voicing your opinion is welcomed I'm sure but don't put something I'm into down because it's not for you.

Score: 0
Blondie50 Married Happily married
Posted August 8, 2009

I think within marriage it can be very erotic. If you keep off the notion of punishment and domination it is very sexy and leads to good sex. Yes not every one is in to this or needs it but to those of us who are it is quite powerful. One doesn't want to push anything on to others as it is each to his own. I'm not talking about whips or anything like that. Simple smacking in a certian area thats all. If you have an understanding with your spouse keep to that and keep faithful to each other.

Score: 1
Lyz Married Community Manager
Posted May 19, 2009

Sounds like you're a little defensive about the spanking. :)

Score: 1
Voli23 Single open heart open mind
Posted May 16, 2009

Spanking just entered my sex life this past year and a half. I actually do like it- because it is always playful. We never do the dominatrix thing- we're too silly for any of that. :) Spanking for us is more of a "hey I'm really into this right now, and I want you to know how much I want you RIGHT NOW w/o words" thing. :D Mmmmmm.

Score: 0

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