Michelle counsels a friend through her breakup.
My friend Amber recently broke up with her boyfriend of four months. Even though they had only been together a short time, they moved at lightning speed and with the seriousness of a heart attack, so the breakup was dramatic, devastating—and 100% necessary, since he was terrible for her.
When it ended, Amber and I had daily conversations about how she was doing and what she was thinking. In the span of a week, she went from heartbroken to sympathetic to wanting him back to downright angry. This man treated her like dirt, and I'm thrilled to have her in the pissed-off stage rather than pining after his love or feeling sorry for him.
This is the first time I've gotten to apply my breakup experiences to help someone else, and I have to say, I'm glad they're coming in handy. I'm coaching Amber through the process and remembering what it was like for me during the first stages of my own breakup.
And as you all know, every recent breakup-sufferer needs all the help she can get. When Amber said she just wanted to be over him already, I reminded her that it had only been two days since they broke up. She just needed to have some patience and not let anyone rush her. When she wished that he would take her back, I reminded her how much of a jerk he was (seriously—he's awful) and explained why she was so much better off without him. When she finally admitted that she's glad he's out of the picture, I cheered her on.
I'm thrilled now that she's reached the angry stage. In one of my first posts, I wrote about how I'd take anger over heartbreak any day of the week. Plus, as my friend Scott told me when I broke up with Alex, that anger is important. Either you deal with being pissed off now, or you'll have to work through it in the future. Either way, it's going to come around sometime. Amber has every right to be mad, and while that doesn't mean she's over her sadness, it does mean she doesn't want to be with The Biggest Jerk in the World anymore. And that's wonderful.
As I said before: anyone going through a breakup needs all the help she can get. If you have any advice or encouraging words for my girl, leave them in the comments (trust me—she'll be reading!).