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Multiple orgasms have become the holy grail of female sexuality. Women want them, men want to give them, and we're all looking for the secrets that makes them possible. But just like playing the piano, some people may be born with natural ability, but it's a skill anyone can learn.
1. Know thyself.
What's good for the Greeks is good for orgasms. Knowing what turns on your mind and your body is a good place to start, and prioritizing your own pleasure — in life, not just in bed—helps you open up to the idea of having more. Spend some time masturbating and getting to know what feels good to you so you can communicate it to your partner.
2. Get comfortable.
Being hot, cold, or constantly worried that your six year old is going bust into the room is not conducive to enjoying the moment. Similarly, try to get comfortable in your own gorgeous skin. Worrying about how your thighs look in the light has never helped anybody come once, let alone twice.
3. Relax and take your time.
Going for a multiple orgasm should not feel like trying to ace your SATs. There's no deadline, there's no pressure and you can do it as many times as you want. And if you're with your partner, let this be all about you. You can reciprocate on another night.
4. Practice makes perfect.
Forget diamonds: Kegels are a girl's best friend. This simple exercise makes orgasms more intense and makes it easier to have multiples, no gym required. In fact, you can entertain yourself by doing it in traffic or your department's Monday morning meeting.
Whether you're with a partner or on your own, try teasing. When you feel yourself building toward orgasm, shift your touch (or direct your partner to shift his; his tongue is particularly good for this) to a place that's slightly less sensitive, then move back.
Even in a series, each orgasm has its own build-up, and learning to navigate increasing and decreasing sensation will help you get to higher and higher places without going over the edge. Alternately stimulating the clitoris and the G-spot can help, too, since they produce pleasurable, but different, sensations.
6. Speak up.
For some women, the clitoris is hypersensitive after the first orgasm, and continued stimulation can border on painful. There's no reason to bear down and power through; tell him what you want. Betty Dodson, author of Sex For One: The Joy Of Selfloving and Orgasms For Two: The Joy Of Partner Sex recommends stopping clitoral stimulation for 10 to 60 seconds after the first orgasm, then starting again (Experiment with the timing; if you wait too long you'll start back at square one).
If you fill him in on this fact—or whether you want something harder, softer, or two inches to the right—he'll most likely be happy to oblige. When men find something that works, they stick with it, so if he keeps going while you're squirming away, he probably just thinks you're writhing with pleasure.
7. Go with the flow.
For some women, each orgasm in a series gets bigger and bigger; for others, each one gets smaller and smaller. It's all fine. With so much hype about multiple orgasms, part of the trick is not psyching yourself out. It's cool to have just one orgasm.
It's even cool to have no orgasms, as long as you're having a really good time. Just have fun. In sex, as in life, it's as much about the journey as it is the destination.