Perceptions and stereotypes on love, marriage, & race busted wide open.
What negative perceptions have you heard about black men and women?
"I've heard countless 'men ain't no good stories.' One reason I feel black men are scared of commitment is because they never learned how to love a woman. A lot of men and women are raised in broken homes, and these become our examples of what a relationship is." --MICHAEL, 44, Black, single
"I've heard black women are bitter and disappointed because they've met a brother who's not stepping up. Meanwhile Black men whine about the struggle of the black man and bring the fight back home, resentful if you're successful and feeling as if you have to be submissive so they can be the king somewhere." --SOLI, 46, Biracial, recently single
"I've heard that black men are no good and all black women care about is money. I've found that some black women are lost or just looking out for the money. But some of that comes from the type of women I've been dating." --PETER, 44, Black, divorced
"I've heard from black men I've dated that black women are 'tough'. But I've found that some of those men, didn't want to work at the relationship or in general." --ELLA, 38, White, single
Why are there so many negative myths about black men and black women and their relationships?
"I know many great black relationships and marriages. But we don't talk about them. Good relationships take work, no matter what color you are. Relationships have become dumbed down, for many reasons, dating younger women or outside your race. So any issue black women have with their black men becomes a big deal and they are seen as aggressive or harsh for having raised it." --STELLA, 46, Black, divorced
"I've heard black women are too this, that or whatever. I believe it's a cop-out for some people who want to rationalize their decision to date outside the race." --MARCIA, 51, Black, single
"Some black women are drawn to characters: the guy with the dreadlocks, the rapper or the guy in the purple pants, who may not be the best choice in a partner. They then attribute their bad experiences with these types of black men to all black men." --ROGER, 40, Black, single
"It's true that white women don't demand much from black men, but I think that's because they've been brainwashed by media and society to think that black men aren't capable of much. From dating white men I do believe that there is sometimes a lack of expectation because there's a lack of experience. Very few white people live in a black world. If they did they might be more demanding because they'd know what we're capable of." --SOLI, 46, Biracial, recently single
Do you believe that black men are insecure or abusive and if so why?
"Everyone is insecure. Black men are vulnerable because their self-esteem has always been under pressure and their masculinity is based on self-esteem so they're extra sensitive to anything that threatens their sense of who they are." --STELLA, 46, Black, divorced
"We've all heard the 'talk' about black men but we must realize that some of our men will be unreliable/players/abusers, etc. Just like white men." --MARCIA, 51, Black, single
Is it hard for you to find black men/women to date?
"I'm married to a black woman. And, it wasn't difficult to find a black woman to date. Black women can be a bit bossy and, if there was no father in their lives, a bit unrealistic as to what makes a real man." --MARCUS, 39, Black, married
"It's never been hard for me to find pretty, smart black women to date. It puzzles me that so many college educated men date outside their race. I don't have a problem with interracial relationships, but I do have a problem with black men who won't even give black women a chance." --MICHAEL 44, Black, single
Why do black men date white women?
"Some black men get an ego kick out of dating white women, especially if they are halfway decent looking. But plain black women don't have the same opportunities with black men that plain white women have." --STELLA, 46, Black, divorced
"I think black men sometimes find it easier to date white women because white women don't have to deal with what black women have to deal with. The same goes for black women and white men. America has created a great divide with slavery that affects black men and women. However the white women I dated were as oblivious to my plight as a black man, as the black women were." --PETER, 44, Black, divorced