My Boyfriend Gave Me Herpes
What happens when you get a STD from your partner.
My live-in boyfriend and I had been together almost two years. Although he was on a six-month deployment to the Philippines, the relationship felt solid, and when I learned he would be home for a three day weekend mid-deployment, I was overjoyed.
We had a fantastic visit and lost no opportunity to make up for lost time in the bedroom. But about three days after he left, I started feeling strange. It felt as if my vagina was literally on fire, and obviously, I knew something was terribly wrong. The pain became unbearable and I went to see the doctor to get treated. Unfortunately, part of the treatment was a lesson in brutal honesty. I'll never forget her face when she said she would send the skin samples to the lab but she was certain it would be positive for herpes. At that moment I wasn't sure which was worse: the feeling of impending doom as I waited for confirmation that I had an STD, or the lingering pain from having my insides scraped to acquire the lab samples.
I was given oral medications and creams along with instructions, and was told my name would be reported to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). They gave me pamphlets that clearly spelled out the facts, and I was questioned about any other sexual partners he or I may have had. I assured her I had not been with anyone else and we were in a committed relationship, so I was sure he had not been either. She almost shouted when she told me that my boyfriend had most definitely cheated on me. She said the symptoms are usually only this bad with the first outbreak and he must have had an active outbreak to spread it to me.
Outbreak?
Outbreak. It was a term I would come to know well over the coming months.
As soon as I hit the apartment door, I ran for the phone. He denied having an STD. He denied cheating. He refused to seek treatment with the military doctor for fear it would go in his records. I couldn't believe it. Later he admitted that he had experienced blisters on his penis before but thought it was just from rough sex. Now he tells me.
I wanted to believe him and tried to put the whole thing behind me, but I couldn't totally trust him. There were other signs of cheating, but I felt I was a broken woman; who would want to be with me now that I had an incurable STD? So an unhealthy relationship became an unhealthy marriage, and we later divorced. Then came the depression. I was resigned to the fact that I would probably be alone the rest of my life because of this disease.
I didn't date much after my divorce. I buried myself in my work. When I looked in the mirror I saw a marked woman: a big red H around my neck for herpes. I couldn't bear the thought of telling someone I had an STD. What if we broke up and he told people my secret? I was too embarrassed to even tell my friends.
Discussion
I too know exactly how Melissa feels. I was diagnosed with HSV 2 in August after an abrupt dumping by a boyfriend that came completely out of the blue. When he first dumped me, I couldn't understand why. I though perhaps he had met someone else, but 5 days later I went to the doctor believing that I had a UTI. No, I didn't. I am now a statistic. I cried, but I am lucky that a friend of mine suffers from this as well (she's had it for 7 years) and I have tried hard to believe that one day I too will marry and have kids, like she has. But recently I have had a horrible blow. A wonderful man that I was dating decided he could not continue a relationship with me after I told him. And honestly, I can't say that I blame him. If I had been given the opportunity to know that the man that I had dated was going to give this to me, I don't think I would have continued a relationship with him either. But he didn't give me that chance - he just slept with me and ensured me that he was committed to me and was monogomous - obviously he was not.
I have just spent the last 4 days in tears because this one man who I was dating recently can't handle this. And it's just as hard for him because for him, I was everything that he's waited for - but for this.
I try to have faith that I will one day meet someone for who my status won't be that big of a deal, or perhaps meet someone who suffers from this same ordeal so it won't matter - but, God, it's so difficult. Difficult to go through this because I have only had two other men that I've told and one freaked and got pissed at me, the other said he was okay with it, but then dropped off the face of the earth. But I have to believe that there is a reason for this. But it is so hard to come to terms with. Support groups and therapy have helped, but it doesn't make it any easier. And no one will ever understand, unless they themselves have gone through this as well.
I hope one day to find someone that will accept this, because I know men like that exist - it's just hard to have faith in that now and to believe that it will.
