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Taking the Plunge: Post-Divorce Dating

After her divorce, one woman struggles with the singles scene.

My ex-husband and I were together for over 15 years before we separated. We have three wonderful children together, ages 17, 13 and 7.

In the beginning, right after our divorce, I wasn't really concerned with dating. I was busy spending most of my time worrying about how I was going to raise three children on my salary. At first, things were extremely hard; running an entire household all by yourself can be exhausting to say the least. Slowly, as time passed, things started getting a bit more manageable. I began developing a new routine that seemed to make every thing run a little smoother. 

Before I knew it, two years had passed quickly, right before my eyes. Now, matter how busy I kept myself, I couldn't help but thinking about how lonely I was really becoming. I mentioned this to my best friend, and she suggested that we should go out one weekend when I didn't have the kids. I was extremely nervous. I hadn't been out like this for almost 18 years. After two weeks of contemplating the idea, I finally decided to go. 

So, the following weekend came around, my ex came to pick up the children and I began to get ready. So many thoughts were flooding my mind as I searched for clothes to wear, showered and put on my make-up. There was a part of me that really wanted to meet someone, and the other half felt like I wouldn't have room for some one in my life, between the kids, my job and my ex, it just didn't seem at all possible. 

I went out with my best friend that night, and we had a wonderful time. I met a few people, but no one I was actually interested in. I was almost relieved, that I didn't meet Mr. Right, because I just couldn't see how that would work. 

My friend, and I began going out every other weekend, but I never mentioned this to my ex, or my children, it was almost like I had a secret life that I would live, only every other weekend. After going out a few times more, I actually started looking forward to going out. I seemed to enjoy just doing something different, and having fun. I wasn't even thinking about meeting someone else, I was just having fun. 

I finally decided that I was going to work up the nerve, and tell everyone that I was going out. Surprisingly, everyone took it very well. It seems that my ex had also been doing the same thing. 

Now it seemed that I could go out, without feelings of guilt. The next weekend my friend and I went out it happened. I met someone that I was very interested in. He didn't mind the fact that I had three kids, an ex, and very little time. At first, I talked to him on the phone a lot, but I could only see him every other weekend. We both agreed that we would take it very slow. 

As time went by, I really felt like things were getting stronger between Mr. Right and I, so I begin to wonder how everyone else including my ex, were going to handle this bit of news. I decided if he and I lasted for one year, I would begin to introduce him to the rest of my life. I'm really glad I made that decision, because we didn't make it past six months. Turns out he wasn't Mr. Right after all. Now, I use the one-year rule. If they make it through that, then I will worry about the rest as it comes.

Can you relate?

Discussion

Vasha Starting Over new BC wanted!
Posted February 28, 2009

If you can why look for Mr. Right? What is the point? The American woman is pushed into pairing up too early and it would have been better to have a group of friends and a FWB/BB or two who are mature enough to handle the fact they are transitory. That gets you back into the fun and out of the pressure.

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Posted January 30, 2009

Its interesting post.

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