One man reveals where all the good guys have gone.
Finding a good man should be a unique experience for every woman and based on her personality. You must know what "good" means to you, decide where you enjoy meeting people, and simply relax. He's out there, waiting for your natural charm, beauty and intelligence.
Everyone is different, and although most people will agree that a wide-reaching handful of generic qualities like "funny," "intelligent," and "honest" are "good," who wants to be generic when you're looking for Mr. Right? You want specifics, little portions of his personality that sparkle in your eyes and invade your soul. Forget good, you want freakin' wonderful!
You must remember, however, that your version of wonderful is likely much different than that of your mother, sister, co-worker or hair-stylist. Know what you want in a man? Excellent. Hang on to that. Some women don't have a mental list - they are open-minded and perhaps simply wait for love to smack them over the head with a heart-shaped anvil.
No matter who you are, your version of "good" is just as unique as you are.
Location, location, location
Taking the concept of uniqueness one step further, you should look for a good man in a place you truly enjoy. If you're a musician, join a band. If you love bowling, sign up for a league. Even if your passion is something unusual, like saving endangered species, you can always find other like-minded folks, especially online.
If you love going to bars, go for it. Just remember that everyone is different, so you may not find love in this "traditional" dating location. Even though you might meet a good guy who's out with friends, you must decide what venue works for you.
In the beginning, my overall goal was to enjoy my singleness, while also looking for a good woman in fun places. For instance, I'm a musician, so I joined a handful of bands. Once I realized that I did not want kids, I found "No Kidding!", a social group for the child-free. I'm also an avid writer, so I joined an online writing group and I socialize on the message boards.
Don't worry about it
Yeah, you've heard it before, but it's true that we're more attractive when we're relaxed and happy. When you go to a bar, go online, or go anywhere intending to meet a potential mate, you are probably a bit tense or excited. How many times have we all heard stories of someone making a slip during a first date introduction, or physically fumbling and causing a scene? Nervousness is the bane of many daters.
When you are living a life you love, relaxed, and involved in a hobby or avocation and thus not even thinking about potential mates, it's such a wonderful surprise when you find yourself in a conversation with someone new. You already have the hobby in common, and the expectation of whether or not it will "work out" does not enter the equation.
After about two years in the same community band, my girlfriend and I found each other. Thanks in part to our relaxed enjoyment of the group, our initial attraction was more pronounced than if we had met online or in a "meat market" type of setting.
It takes all kinds
Then again, some have had great success at the bar. However, if you're tired of the bars, the smoke, and screaming just to be heard, you might try searching some of the following:
- If you know approximately what qualities your "good man" has, and you like the clinical approach, online dating might be for you. Try eHarmony.com, Match.com, Friendfinder.com.
- If you're shy, you might check YahooGroups or sign up for Toastmasters to improve your confidence. Or ask your girlfriends if they know any men who have similar interests as you.
- If you're outgoing, but still feel alone, search inside yourself for another hobby or activity that truly brings you joy, then Google it. Paintball? Chess? Traveling? Electronics? The options for finding special groups are as endless as the Internet.
It's a jungle out there
I know it's tough, but remember this: Don't give up. Have faith that it will happen, and it will. Until then, relax and just enjoy your life. Until I was 39, none of my relationships lasted more than six months. As of this writing, however, my girlfriend and I have been together for more than a year, we adore each other, and we see excellent potential for the coming years. But even if it doesn't work out, I'm a good man and I'll be out there.