His Take: Confronting A Man About His Faults

By YourTango

His Take: Confronting A Man About His Faults
One guy's perspective on how to make him a better man

I'm a man with many faults. Probably more so than the average guy. (Although by definition the average guy has many faults, if you ask the average woman.) So it's no wonder that I've been confronted several times over the years about my numerous shortcomings. However, I learned a lot from these conversations.

Based on my experience, there are right ways and wrong ways to confront a man about his flaws. For example, one ex-girlfriend of mine took a somewhat harsh approach and gave me a profanity-laced tirade about how I never take the trash out. Personally, I think she crossed the line when she put a trash bag over my head and tried to throw me out of the house. I understood her point, but she could've been a bit more subtle.

However, it's possible to be too subtle. Another ex-girlfriend of mine told me that I wasn't spontaneous enough. All she said to me was, "You never do anything on the spur of the moment." I thought she meant changing "Meatloaf Monday" to Friday. A few days later, she sent me a postcard from Hawaii. That's when I realized she meant we never went away anywhere together. If she had been more specific, I might be drinking mixed drinks with a pretty island girl right now, which reminds me of some other vices of mine...

The point is, when you're faced with a situation where you have to confront your man about his failings, be gentle and be specific. The male ego is very fragile and the comprehending part of the male brain is very small. (Not that size matters, right? And, even if it does, it's not really a "fault," is it?) Don't be afraid to spell out exactly what you think your fella's problem is. Write it on the bottom of the toilet seat if you have to. He's sure to see it there, since there's a 99% chance he never puts it down. At the same time, be compassionate. Most men want to please their mate, so if you confront him in an informal and easy-going manner (try being nude when you do it), he'll be much more willing to accept your position and change his faulty ways.