The Surprising Benefits Of Open Marriage

Many people believe that open marriage is a) absurd in the extreme (why bother being married then?) or b) impossibly complicated emotionally, logistically, and sexually. Truthfully, there are as many types of open marriages as there are closed, so these assumptions are baseless, though understandable. Swingtown notwithstanding, the imagined benefits of open marriage (Sex! All the time! With friends and neighbors!) are quite titillating but (alas) often untrue.

What is true, however, is that most people practicing open marriage are usually both romantic and realistic about the probability of remaining monogamous over a lifetime with one partner. If recent studies are any indication, most people who pledge monogamy aren’t actually faithful anyway, so you could say people in open marriage are simply being more honest about their desire to mess around than the average American.

Of the many surprising benefits of open marriage, perhaps the most surprising is that it can, if handled gently and lovingly, bring you closer to your spouse. If you’re secretly carrying on an affair, or emailing an ex-lover, or otherwise harboring deeply held desires that you can’t share with your partner, you are experiencing the alienation this lack of honesty can create. I know because I used to feel completely lonely in my marriage. I felt I couldn’t tell my husband what I wanted sexually or otherwise. I made the mistake of having an affair rather than telling him what I needed and nearly ruined everything. Luckily, we made our way back to each other and have arrived in a place of deeper honesty, including a mutually agreed upon desire to have an open marriage. I don’t recommend this approach to achieving open marriage, but it eventually worked well enough for us.