Five guys recount one thing they learned from a past love.
I used to spend a ton of money in malls. Now it’s DSW for shoes and outlet malls for clothes. She helped me spend my money a little more wisely.”
–Thomas, 27, construction management consultant
“I used to drip water all over the floor after showering. My ex explained how to brush off my body before I grabbed a towel. I even shared the ‘Jessica Dry Brush’ with my nieces and nephews.”
–Andrew, 34, project manager
“She introduced me to The Nile, a Middle Eastern restaurant in New Jersey where singers and belly dancers perform. I still go with my friends.”
–Sharbel, 24, financial planner
“The night before I took the LSATs, she gave me No. 2 pencils that were already sharpened, then dulled down, so I could fill in the bubbles quicker. That was incredibly thoughtful.”
–Ryan, 22, neuro-science student
“Reggae. I used to listen to [Bob] Marley on my own, but she and her brothers got me into esoteric reggae like Black Uhuru and Sizzla. I still listen to it.”
–Anuj, 29, psychiatrist
5. It's fine to risk your friends' lives for a boyfriend.
Hey, remember when Ariel almost got her lifelong friend and occasional guardian Sebastian killed so she could dine with a guy who'd never even heard her talk? You do? You need to know that that's never okay.
7. It's acceptable to show up to parties uninvited.
There won't always be enough tea to go around if you keep showing up to parties you're not even invited to attend. And, like Alice, you may find yourself surrounded by lunatics with no respect for themselves, each other or anyone else's property.
When she was a kid, Tiana swore she'd never kiss a frog. She changed her mind. Sure, it worked out in the end, but only after she was transformed into an amphibian and subject to a number of voodoo curses.
13. Having short, dark hair is like, the worst thing ever.
Brunettes are people too. And listen, unless you have a genetic or Ariana Grande-edges issue, your hair will grow back. That's what hair does. If you don't think this is true, remember how you felt the last time you forgot to shave your legs.
Snow White was in a coffin with her eyes closed in a "sleep-like death," and the seven dwarves just let this happen. Like, Doc didn't even side-eye Prince Charming making out with what everyone thought was just a really well-preserved corpse. Why weren't her pals called the Seven Deviants?
You know why Snow White was always happy and encouraged you to "whistle while you work?" Because she wasn't actually working. She got woodland creatures to do all that crap for her. Then, like lots of people in upper management, she took credit for everything once it was done.
16. Your dad will always bail you out of dangerous situations.
Ariel could always rely on her father, King Triton, to save her in The Little Mermaid. For most of us, though, eventually our dads get tired of our s*it and make us grow up, whether or not that means growing legs.
Flynn Rider may be charming in Tangled, but he's a thief with a false identity and was in what's basically a gang with two sociopaths called The Stabbington Brothers. If you wouldn't allow yourself to get sexed into a gang, why would you encourage this Catfish coupling?
Wendy Darling was commissioned by Peter Pan and the Lost Boys to be their mother in Neverland. Then she tried to make out with Peter Pan, who, as you can tell, is just not that into her. Because Peter Pan isn't a creep, no matter how many associations he may have with the late Michael Jackson.