Last week, I promised to lighten up this blog. What better way to do so than to talk about sex. Well, wait, sex and all of its ins and outs, can be a serious, convoluted, deep subject. However, forget all of that for now: this blog is about Vacation Sex (VS). Not that daily (weekly/monthly….biyearly??), can-I-have-it-I-don’t want-to-why-not kind of sex stuff. (Believe me, there will be a follow up for that.) VS happily, is sex that’s still eagerly anticipated - even for most long-term couples.
Note: Let me clarify that when I say vacation, I mean the real kind: NO KIDS. Going on a “vacation” with the kids is fun and great and all of that, but face it, it’s not truly a vacation. Just note the synonyms for the word: break, retreat, rest, escape. This is definitely not the definition for the experience of vacationing with children – you are still acting as nurse, counselor, maid, servant, enforcer, cook, referee, watcher, minder, etc….So for the sake of this blog, a vacation means NO KIDS.
Anyway, Steve and I went to Beaver Creek (without kids), Colorado for a long Memorial Day week-end. Steve drummed with Blues legend Ron Thompson at a Barbeque & Blues festival outside in the heart of Beaver Creek. Perfect weather, surrounded by clean mountain air: who could ask for a better gig to tag along with? Steve played 2 hours on Sat. and Sun. afternoons, so we had a lot of time to spend together doing vacation things. Including, of course, some hot VS. And that’s as far as I will go on that. (I promised)
Why is VS so damn good? I have some reasons, and also some ideas about helping to make it “even damn better.”
Leaving all of your duties and demands and “I should be’s” on the airplane sets you up for eroticism. Your body is looser, calmer. Your mind slows down and you're not looking over your shoulder for what to do next (laundry, dinner, bed-time, take home work). When you look around on your vacation, you will hopefully see options instead of demands. What a wonderful feeling it is indeed.
Sometimes it takes me a few days to truly unwind, to not feel like I should be calling the office to check up on things, or to worry every time my cell phone rings that it is some crisis, work or kids. As my kids get older and my assistant at work gets more capable, unwinding takes less and less time. If you are like me and it takes time, I suggest scheduling a massage on the first day, or plan to just sit in the sun, or by the fire, curled up in front of a fire for the whole first day – order out, no sight seeing – just relax and take deep breaths.
Then, start thinking about VS.
AND, it’s time to start your preliminary foreplay. The whole vacation should be about foreplay.
Vocal Foreplay: Speak many love words (for no reason – or rather, spontaneously) throughout the day. “I am so into you,” “You have never looked better,” “Come here, sexy,” “I forget how nice you are to kiss,” “I am so happy to be married to you,” “You are the love of my life.”. Is this just for the woman? Not in my world. Steve loves to hear me say he’s handsome, or an incredible guy, or the best lover just as much as I love to hear him call me sexy. If the ego feels good, isn’t sex a whole lot better?
Deed Foreplay: add to this the actions of (preliminary) foreplay. Do things for each other (can I get you another drink, darling?) Also, think about the things that your spouse loves to feel or do, the touches that drive them crazy. Including perhaps surprise love bites on the back of the neck, foot/back rubs, hand holding, a bike ride, a favorite wine or bourbon, romantic dinner, lots of hugging and most importantly (in my book) making out. Yes, loads of kissing.
And don’t think for a minute that this is just for the women. Helping Steve to relax with a back rub is way appreciated. And when the back rub is a bit risqué (the hands wander from time to time), it definitely gets him excited. Yes, foreplay is an equal opportunity venture.
A lot of the fun of foreplay is dragging it out. You can only do this on vacation. You know, pick and choose your times of consummation. In a normal week at home, it seems like you have to slip it in whenever you have the time….and that is if neither is too exhausted to participate. But in VS land, you can tease as long as you want. (On the other hand, of course, you can go straight to it, and then for the rest of the day, draw out the teasing for a second go round that night.)
As for the sex itself, it’s already a step above because of the daytime preliminary foreplay. On top of this, when you do fall into bed together, you have the luxury of time to take the next step up with some Serious Foreplay (o.k. I’m not going to give any details or suggestions here: I have my limits). Take advantage of it. Explore and discover and titillate like never before. Go home with some great sex memories along with perhaps a new technique or two.
Oh, the glory of vacations! I want to go back to Colorado. Now!
Aside: I was thinking that a lot of the reason sex is better on vacation is because we are nicer to each other. Hhhmmmm – the power of kindness. (Back to that?) Perhaps along with the new sex position you plan on importing to your home bed, you can also drag along some vacation kindness (VK). Try this. While on vaca, find a bottle, and stuff it full with VK, label it and put in a stopper. Take it out at home whenever either of you feel like being a bitch/grouch to each other. Open it up and breathe deep. Who knows….it could work.
Good Luck and have fun.
This concludes another view from my married (sex) life.