I Was A Lonely Newlywed...
A young wife learns that marrying a workaholic is hard work.
So what if I had no sense of self? I anchored myself to my husband, a man headed to medical school, whose determination to help others, no matter the sacrifice, shed a charitable light on me.
When my internist asked if I knew that marrying a doctor-in-training was a recipe for disaster, I laughed. What did he know of the power of young love? What he might have asked in return was: what did I know of my husband?
And what, at 22, did I know of myself? The determination I loved in my husband lead to him spearheading a policy that required the doctors-in-training to enter the hospital Friday morning and leave Monday night.
For three years, I glimpsed him as he came in the door and headed to bed; when I prepared dinner to entice him en route, he would fall asleep, fork in hand. I was a married single person with none of the perks of either, and when it became clear— too many tears later—that there would always be a person who needed him more urgently than I did, we separated.
Day one: congratulating myself on getting out of bed. Day five: congratulating myself on showering. Eventually, dating others. Eventually, dating each other again. And six months later, just as I was congratulating myself on opening the door to my own home and embracing my solitude, an ultimatum: take him back or let him go forever. Stay Together or Break Up? How To Decide Now
Discussion
Its not being selfish at all. She put up with the lonely day and nights, and she finally reached her breaking point. Every reaches that point where they just can't do it anymore, whether it be a job, relationship, etc. Kudos to her for taking a step back and realizing what she needed to do for herself, to be happy. Every relationship has to be tested, and that was their test. Fortunately(because I believe in the union of marriage being everlasting), she was able to realize that she missed her husband and wanted to be married, regardless of the circumstances.
Ideally, you should have a second romantic/sexual partner. In a polyamorous relationship, multiple lovers help compensate for each other's flaws and shortcomings.
I know it's hard to feel alone, but I believe that the point of marriage is to better enrich eachothers lives, and support eachother's ambitions and goals...which may in turn lead to some lonely nights while they are attaining them. I am married to an active duty Marine, so I completely understand what it feels like to literally be alone in a random state for months on end without seeing my husband, and sometimes without speaking to him due to his job. We have been together for 10 years, and married for over five. If you believe in "until death do us part", then you will have plenty more wonderful years ahead of you, and just have to deal with the grueling first few that you may endure. It will make you a stronger unit, and in turn they will feel appreciated, respected, and they will most likely be supportive for you if you are ever going through a time where you can't give them 110% of your focus and affection.
Why do people assume that when you get married everything is going to change? You should go into a marriage with the same expectations you had while you were dating. And if you had a problem with him while you were dating, you are still going to have that same problem once you're married. I don't understand people with such high expectations after you say I do. Nothing changes but your last name and title. But this time when you want to breakup/divorce it's going to cost both of you a hell of a lot of money.
To the above comment,
Didn't you read it? She stuck it out and they've been married for 7 years. Lucky her...
I was married for two very long, very lonely years. I called myself a MINO (to sound like widow), which meant Married In Name Only. Abandonment is a reason for an anulment. Since divorced, I had more sex in one month than in the two miserable years I was married. MINO no mo!
Kudos for you for making a stand albeit a little late. You have to set ground rules early. You did (later) and he came back. I think your story also re-confirms that people shouldn't get married until they're 30, IMHO.
Im sorry but that just seems a little selfish that you wanted a seperation because you werent getting enough attention. If you truly loved him then you would have stuck it out..you should have known that he wouldnt be around much if he was going to become a doctor.