Marrying Mr. Wrong: Did She Ignore The Red Flags?

By Isabel Rose. Posted on Nov 8th 2006.

She thought he was "the one." Did relationship red flags indicate otherwise?

JULY 4, 2002
I’m sitting on our deck in the Hamptons an hour after everyone has left, realizing that my marriage needs to end. There have been too many red flags and it’s been too hard for too long. I’m drained. I’m sad. I’m lonely. My husband is just on the other side of the screen door, sleeping on the sofa we bought together at Ikea right after we bought the house. On his chest, our eleven-month-old daughter drools in her half-sleep.

RED FLAG #1, APRIL 1995
One of my girlfriends leaves a message on my machine Saturday evening at six. “A bunch of us are meeting at that new bar around the corner at 9:30. It’s gonna be a great group. See you then.” I’ve already planned a night of order-in Chinese food and Middlemarch, but at 9:45 I overcome my innate inertia and force myself out.

My future ex-husband is sitting at a long, candlelit table, chatting with a few other guys. Over the din of the hip bar, I say, “You look familiar. Really.” Then I realize that actually, he just looks like someone who works in my sister’s office. I’m about to tell him this but he says, “You’re right. We have met.” We talk about everything that isn’t too personal: politics, sports, our favorite music from the ‘80s. He seems to be an expert on every topic, which I find sexy.

The next morning, I’m on the treadmill sweatily fantasizing about my future ex-husband, when the girl who introduced us the previous night gets on the treadmill next to mine.

“I really like your friend,” I gush.

She makes a shocked face and says, “You two? Eew. You’re completely wrong for each other. Please. Trust me. You two are the most-wrong-for-eachother people I can think of.”

I laugh, and ask why we’re so mismatched. “Trust me,” she says gravely. “He’s not for you.” Then she shrugs. “It’s your life, babe, but I don’t think you’ll be happy.” Keep Reading...

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